I have no idea…

Ever since Scott dropped the bomb on me, I feel like I’ve been living in a fog.

Trying to explain it to outsiders makes it hurt even worse. They’re asking if Scott ever even loved me. This is his way of showing love. He says that this is easier on me, than going on, knowing his life expectancy has dramatically dropped, instead of keeping me around to fall even deeper in love with him. If it hurts this much now, how much would it hurt in a year or two? My father agrees. I hate it, I don’t agree with it, but I’m accepting it.

As far as ‘we’ are concerned, nothing’s really changed. We still hug and kiss and say “I love you.” I’m not losing Scott to a breakup, I’m losing him to cancer. And that’s what I’m planning on telling anyone who may come into my life later on. I just need them to understand that I’ll always love Scott. He was my one true love. No one from my past comes even remotely close to him, and I doubt anyone in the future will, either. He’s in my heart and soul. I’ll mourn for him until the day I die.



Posted on February 26, 2015, in Blogging, cancer, changes, Illness, life, Loss, love, Relationships, Scott and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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