Monthly Archives: March 2015
Where to even begin??
My weekend began about 4pm on Friday afternoon when Bozo picked me up. We had plans to meet up with E and the guy she’s been seeing. From there, Bozo and I hopped over to our usual haunt.
It was a very different night in there. By now, most are aware of the split, so it was no surprise to anyone when I was joking and flirting around with some of the regulars. Those that weren’t aware… Well, they are now.
About a quarter til 9, I get a text from Finn, saying he’s coming out.
**Cue embarrassingly giddy school girl squee**
Took him and his buddy a couple of hours to get there, but damn, if it didn’t make my night.
His buddy that drove him ended up having to leave shortly after they got there, but Bozo offered to drive us to his car at the end of the night, so Finn didn’t have to leave me so soon.
When we got back to Finn’s car, I wasn’t ready to leave him yet. So, we hung out at his usual haunt until close. From there, we went to Waffle House with a couple of his buddies. We stayed there til dawn.
I still didn’t wanna go home, so we just drove around all day. Laughing and goofing around. By around 2pm, it was obvious that we were going back out that night, so he drove me to the house so I could shower and change.
I was freaking out, thinking Scott was going to be pissed that I didn’t come home. But, at the same time, it really isn’t any of his business anymore. We’re roommates, not in a relationship anymore.
It only took me about 20 minutes, since I wasn’t wearing makeup and let my hair dry naturally. We still hadn’t slept.
He was texting different friends to see what they were up to that night. One got back to him, saying that he was going to a bar on the other side of town, so we headed to his house and caught a ride there.
Once we got there, Finn and I went out on the deck to smoke. I saw a familiar face…
Me: I think that’s my aunt.
Finn: Well, go say “hi”
Me: I’m not sure, though.
I hear her voice.
Me: Yep, that’s my aunt.
Finn: Then go say hi.
Me: Wait, I’m not positive. Let me text her.
“What are you doing?”
“At The Bar”
I’d seen her get the text and watched her reply, so I knew it was her. I just walked on over to her and started talking.
Not to too long afterward, the people we’d come with were ready to leave, so my aunt and her husband offered to let us just spend the night at their house.
Awesome. I didn’t have to go home after the bar closed after all. I didn’t get home until 3pm today.
I told Scott that we’d ran into my aunt at The Bar, and that we spent the night there (the “we” slipped out, it didn’t phase him). His reply? “Good.”
Scott and I have an open dialog about Finn. He knows that I’ve been talking to him, and even going out with him. Thanks to pictures I posted on Facebook, he’s aware I was with Finn all weekend. He’s happy for me. My smiles make him feel better about everything. This is what he wanted.
I didn’t think we could top last week’s 10hour long date, but we quadrupled it this weekend. Short of stopping by the house to get a shower and change clothes (he waited in the car), we were together for 40 hours. Yes, 4-0, forty hours.
How do I even begin to explain how much my life has changed?
On June 8, 2014, I met Scott at a bar. I’d had a rough day and a (now) former friend suggested we go somewhere to get me out of the house. Scott overheard what we were talking about and offered me and my boys a place. We moved in less than a week later.
It was an extremely fast paced relationship. I fell for him fast and hard.
Fast forward to 2015. Anything that could go wrong, did go wrong. In late January, he went to the hospital and was told he had pneumonia, a month later, he was worse. He went back to the hospital and the chest X-ray revealed that his entire left lung was filled with fluid. They found cancerous cells in the fluid.
The evening he was released from the hospital, he told me he wanted me to “move on” and “find someone else.” He doesn’t want me to hurt anymore than I have to. He wants me to be happy, and he can’t provide the happiness I deserve anymore.
It hurt. It fucking shattered me when he said those words. I don’t like it, I don’t want it, but I accept it. I have no choice but to accept it.
It’s been three weeks since he ended it, and I’m still currently living in his house, though it feels more like simply existing. We’re on good terms. It was hard, at first, to separate the relationship from the friendship.
He’s supportive of me seeing Finn. And Finn is aware of how bizarre this whole situation is.
I’m’a be OK.
I realize that it looks crazy, that so soon after Scott ended things, and why he did, that I’m seeing Finn.
This is what he told me to do. He knows about Finn, and Finn knows about Scott, the cancer, all of the details. This is why we’re taking things slow. I need time to heal and he knows and respects that.
This is what I need right now. Someone who gets it, who’ll listen to me, and is understanding. He’s my kinda perfect.
It doesn’t hurt that this is what I woke up to…
I’ve always had issues describing my eyes I couldn’t ever really get beyond “green” or “weird.”
But yesterday, I found this on Pinterest…
Yep. That fits. I have Central Heterochromia, with a limbal ring. The Heterochromia is considered a mutation, as less than 1% of the world’s population has it. Less than 2% of the world’s population has green eyes. I guess that makes my eyes incredibly rare?
In addition, I also have a few other features that are considered mutations: red hair, freckles, and a minor dimple in my left check.
Yep. I’m a mutant. And damn proud of it.
Since I originally posted this, it’s been viewed over 100 times. This is my highest viewed post.
Yesterday, while checking my blog stats, I noticed that it had been shared on Facebook.
I don’t know who shared the post, but whoever you are, you gave me a much needed smile last night.
So, if you see this, thank you. And if one of this person’s friends happens to click on the link and sees this let them know it was appreciated.
Last night was amazing! Finn picked me up around 930, and we went to a local bar, where Bozo and E met up with us (to get a feel for him). They both approved, and after about a half hour or so headed out to our usual haunt, leaving Finn and I on our not-a-date that became a date.
OMG, I had so much fun! Talking, hugging, kissing, just generally having a good time. About an hour or so after Bozo and E left, we headed to another bar. We were there til close. There was more talking, hugging and kissing. After the bar closed, we headed to Waffle House, ate breakfast and generally hung out, flirted, and snuck in a few kisses (seeing a pattern?).
I didn’t make it into the house until dawn. We sat in his car talking about everything. Scott, us, and how the night had gone.
As of now, we’re not in a relationship, but more of a flirtationship, and agreeing to take things slow, to see what develops.
I’m not gonna lie, I definitely fell into some feelings for him last night.
With the warmer weather, I’ve officially decided that this is going to be my summer of fun.
Late nights, bonfires, fireworks, and friends, I want it all. With the way things have gone for me thus far in 2015, I deserve it. Plus, as I told Finn last night, I’m currently single, and I don’t see that changing any time soon, so I’m gonna live it up.
I’m particularly excited at the prospect of being able to hang out with a friend I haven’t really seen since I was 19-20. He’s planning on visiting a lot this summer.
I still have to sort things out and find a place of my own, but I have confidence that’s not far off now.
It’s currently 0139, and I can’t freaking sleep. My mind is racing. I had a very emotional day.
Scott and I got to talk a good bit. I cried a lot. I said the words that have been buzzing around my head and heart these past couple of weeks.
I love him. He’ll always be a part of me. I’ll never not love him. I hoped that I brought as much happiness into his life as he brought into mine. I know he doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want to hurt me. I’m trying to be strong, but sometimes I break. That I wanted something to remember him by.
He gave me a dragon charm that he always used to wear. It’s him. He has two dragon tattoos, and I have one. I’m wearing it on the claddagh necklace he bought me when we first met.
I feel a bit better than I have been. Like I’m closer to closure. One baby step at a time.
Scott has his first treatment today. I’m so not looking forward to the next few days in this house.
He put the house up for sale last week, and tomorrow is the first showing. Busy week.
And that’s putting it mildly. I’m trying to get used to being single. It’s a weird feeling, especially since I haven’t been single in ten years.
I’ve still been talking to New Guy on a daily basis, and he’s even earned a nickname: Finn. I mentioned to him that that’s what I’d been calling him to friends when Scott was around, he liked it, so it stuck.
Finn was the victim of my drunk texting Saturday night, and rereading them makes for a hilarious read. I ended up walking out of the bar wearing only half the clothes on I had walked in wearing (short sweater dress with jeans underneath). Towards the end of the night, my jeans had been taken off. Thank God, there are no pictures.
I’m also currently looking for an apartment. I’ve got to get out of this house. Things are starting to get tense. Scott’s daughters are fighting over who gets what, while I’m just hanging out in the bedroom, trying to figure out WTF I’m going to do. He’s also acting like he’s pissed off at me. I’m trying to distance myself. It’s hard to live with an ex when the breakup is still so new. Especially when I want to be out of the house. It feels like the walls are closing in on me.