Monthly Archives: August 2015

Well Now…

The logic of some people simply baffle me…

Last year, I posted a pic of myself hanging out with my friends at a bar. (I had ONE girls night out a week.) And I get this comment:


I posted this on Facebook this morning:

Last night when we were out shopping Z comes up with this gem (with ZERO prompting):

“I’m part Finn, part you, and just a bit of my dad.”

Well, OK then.

And got this comment:



Am I reading this right? As a single mother, I shouldn’t have a social life, but at the same time, I shouldn’t let my kids bond with my boyfriend?


Quiet thoughts

Six months.

It’s been just over six months since Scott’s diagnosis. Six months since my world came crashing down around me.

It was six months ago Friday that Finn walked into my life. I was coming off one of the worst weeks of my life (short of my mom’s passing). He’s been my sounding board since the night we met.  He’s amazing to me.

As I watch him and Z together, I’m simply amazed. I love how they interact. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Z have this kind of interaction with anyone else (including his father, from what I’ve seen). He constantly puts Z first, before anything else.

He told me months ago, it’s not just him, it’s not just the two of us, everything has to be in line with the three of us. He doesn’t seem to see Z as a burden, but more of a bonus.

Everyone says I’m good for Finn. That he’s so much happier now that I’m in his life. But they don’t see what I see. He’s too good for me. Everyday, I strive to be better for Z and Finn. These two make me happier than words alone can convey.

Health Concerns…

I went to my doctor yesterday for my routine annual check-up…

Yeah…  Routine.

I was talking to the nurse about some of the issues I’ve been having (nausea, headaches, going back and forth between hot and cold flashes, among a few other things). When my doctor came in the room, she followed up asking about other symptoms. Some of the ones she asked about were symptoms I’ve been having, but never put much thought into (cold hands and feet, heart palpitations). Apparently, my answers were enough that she began to suspect an issue with my thyroid.

I go in Monday to have at least five vials of blood drawn. I hope they let Finn come back with me. I hate needles.

They also found leukocytes in my urine, with no other signs of infection. Fun.

Random Thoughts Tuesday 8/11/15


Is it possible to love someone too much?

It’s only been just over five months since Finn and I met, but he’s snuck into my head and my heart. He’s a sneaky little brat.

I thought I’ve been in love before, but nothing, nothing, has come close to what I feel for him. He make me happy. He makes my heart race. He calms me. It’s him. It’s been him from our first kiss. Even before then. From the first night we met. There are no words good enough to properly explain how I feel in his arms. I never expected to fall in love with him, but I did. And now I plan on loving him  forever. He is my forever. My happily ever after.


I’m so upset/pissed off I could scream!

As of today (August 1, 2015), the temporary custody agreement between Z’s father(XH) and I has expired. It was put into place so I could get back on my feet after Scott sold the house and I could find a new place.

Z’s been in my custody for the past week, and during the exchange last weekend his father told me that “we” (meaning Z, my ex and I) had to talk. The “we” talking ended up being my ex telling me things that Z has told him. Meanwhile, Z refused to talk, and started crying. XH says Z wants to live with him, contrary to what he tells me. I told him I’d talk to Z about it on my own.

I did. Not in a confrontational way…

Me, to Z (while hugging Finn): Hey Z, can I keep him, like forevers?
Z: As long as we don’t keep moving around (fair enough).
Me: Finn and I have already talked about that. If we do move, it’ll be in the same school district. You’ll go to the same school.
Finn: Yeah, that just means it might take awhile.
Z (smiling): OK!

Back at the tail end of May, Finn and I moved into a house his grandmother owns until we can save up money to get a place that’s ours. Still not good enough for XH. It’s not “my” place, it’s Finn’s.

Ever since Scott’s terminal diagnosis, it’s been one thing after another, after another.

XH asked Z if Scott and I were still sleeping in the same bed (room). We weren’t, and hadn’t been for a couple of weeks.

Finn was introduced to both Z and XH as my friend (we didn’t even hold hands in front of Z until he was comfortable with him). Apparently, not only did XH fucking interrogate Z about sleeping arrangements when we spent the weekend at my aunt’s house, he also stalked my friends-only Facebook page for more information. He found an updated profile picture of me and Finn.

Incriminating, huh? A picture.

Z stayed with his father from April 18th, until June 14, without me being able to see him at all due to his father’s work schedule. When I finally got him for two weeks visitation, it came out in innocent conversation that his father called me a “user.” Why? Because Scott paid my phone bill for three months, while I wasn’t bringing money in.

I let Z talk to STBXH earlier this week, and during the phone call, he told Z that he bought a car.  Z said he knew, because his father saw it on Facebook.



Knowing your ex is stalking your Facebook: Amusing
Finding out your ex is stalking your ex’s Facebook: Disturbing…

Today (well, yesterday now), XH calls and asks me my plans. I told him that I was going to enroll Z in school one day next week. When he asked Z about it, the above conversation must’ve slipped his mind, because he told his father we didn’t talk about it.

Not two minutes after they hang up, this text exchange happens:


Edited/cropped for obvious reasons

So, he calls back and asks Z about it again. He remembered after I reminded him about the conversation with Finn. I only heard Z’s part of the conversation, but he was trying to explain the misunderstanding. Next thing I know, Z’s in tears, still trying to explain. XH kept on. It took all my strength not to take the phone from Z. It killed me, seeing/hearing him cry because of his father’s questioning.

That man, I swear. He questioned Z to the point of tears, and yet claims I’m the one not looking out for Z’s best interest.