Monthly Archives: November 2015

Saying Goodbye…

Saturday was Scott’s going away party, and it was bittersweet, to say the least.

There were tears, smiling, and plenty of booze. I’m not sure if or when I’ll see him again. He’s going out west, to be near his parents and a warmer climate.

I know it’s against my rules, but this is the last picture…

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Finn was there with me to provide emotional support, and once again proving just how amazing he is. A lot of people commented on it as well.

Frustrating…

It’s officially been over a week since I filed for the divorce, and I still haven’t received anything. He hasn’t been served yet, either.

With my first divorce, he was served the same day I got the paperwork. Two days after I filed.

I know it’s two different situations, a different county, plus STBXH living in a different state. I just read that it can take anywhere between three and 10 business days to receive certified mail. We’re either on day 5 or 6(if weekends count), if you don’t count the day I filed.

…So, there’s a possibility he may not get it until NEXT week. So fucking frustrating. I just want it over with.

Hurry Up And Wait, I guess…

Oh.

For the past week, I’ve been saying “I’m in too good of a mood,” and just couldn’t figure out why. It hit me a few minutes ago. I haven’t announced it on this blog yet, but I filed for the divorce from STBHX last Monday.

This is it. It’s almost over. It’s so close, I can almost taste it.

Soon, Finn and I will be able to fully move on with our life together, whether than includes marriage or not.

I walked out nearly a year and a half ago, and since that day, a lot has gone wrong. The funny thing is: all those things that “went wrong” led me to Finn (Seriously debating on starting to use his real name).

 

 

Oh Damn, The Feels…

So yesterday, on our way to the store, this song came on…

Brad Paisley – He Didn’t Have To Be: http://youtu.be/BjO1F6oCab8

It’s already an emotional song as it is, but Z took it to a whole new level.

((At the end of the song))
Z: Hey Finn? Do you know when would be a good time to play this song?
((Oh crap look shared between Finn and I))
Finn: When’s that, Z?
Z: When you marry my mom.

Yep, that one made me tear up.

Damnit, Finn… (language warning)

Could you, I don’t know, STOP BEING SO FUCKING PERFECT?

I’m not used to this shit. Seriously. All those things that seem so small to you are HUGE for me. I don’t thank you nearly enough for everything you do for us.

Honestly? I’m FUCKING terrified because of all of this. I’m not sure anyone has ever cared for me as much as you do. And that’s exactly why I’m scared.

I’m tainted. I fuck up. A lot. I’m fucking terrified that I’m going to end up fucking up and losing you.

Your love for me is as obvious as the sun in the sky. I hear it in your voice, and feel it in your embrace.

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Seems fitting...

Damnit Finn I love you, and it scares the bejebus outta me.

Words…

Thoughts and emotions flow through my thoughts like a river, but refuse to meet my lips. It’s as though there’s a dam restricting them along the way.

Why is it so hard to find the words to explain how amazing his hands feel when they graze my bare skin. Or the way his beard feels against my shoulder when he pulls me close in his sleep? The way his voice sends shivers through me, the way I get lost in his eyes? The way his smile lights a fire within me?

Damnit

Damnit, damnit, damnit.

Finn and I have been together almost eight months. Lived together seven of those eight months.

Today, it came out that he’s had “the talk” with his dad. Yep, he plans on marrying me someday. And the way it was put today “someday” means ASAP.

We’ve talked about it here and there, but it was always in a lighthearted way. I thought he was kidding.

He’s never been married, and has never even considered it before. Me? I’ve got two failed marriages under my belt. I don’t want to get married again unless I’m 100% absolutely positive that he’s my life partner. I don’t want another failed marriage.

I’m scared beyond belief.

February 28th, 2015 changed everything. Everything. From our first hug (not even a kiss, a freaking hug), I knew. He held me, and as a lay my head against his chest, I felt warm, safe, protected, comfortable, as though I’d already known him my whole life.

He’s made me believe in so many things I’ve completely dismissed in the past. Love at first sight. Soul mates. Forever. Happily ever after.

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