Monthly Archives: November 2016

Depression 

I rarely talk about emotions and feelings to anyone but Finn. I gave that up a long time ago. They either use it against you, or tell you to get over it. 


Honestly, I just can’t fucking deal with it anymore. I’m fucking tired of dealing with guilt trips for wanting to have my father in my life. 


My oldest sister is guilting me because no one wants my youngest sister at Thanksgiving dinner. She’s verbally jealous, verbally abusive, and was physically abusive towards me during my adolescence. She threatened to kill me when I was a kid. Of course, I don’t want to be around her. 


On top of that, Finn’s mom is guilting both of us for helping my father hang tiles on a vaulted ceiling. My father is 61 years old, with bad knees and bad joints in general. There have been days that he hasn’t been able to get out of bed, not because of pain, but because his joints refused to work. I don’t like the idea of him being on a ladder with no one else there. 


It feels like we just can’t win. I’m at a loss. It’s at the point that I just want to lock myself in the house and just stop talking to everyone. 

Weird Weekend… 

Very, very weird. 

Finn worked a 10hr shift on Saturday, so Z and I were left to our own devices. He did some gaming, and I took to Facebook. 

Some highlights:

Was blocked from posting on my cousin’s post about the safety pin campaign. 

Got called “beautiful” by a misogynistic xenophobe. 

Was told I have beautiful hands. 

Got into an argument over whether or not the Jonestown massacre was suicide or murder (I firmly believe it was). 

After posting in another group about the argument, I had a relative of five Jonestown victims get in contact with me. One of her cousins survived by being in Georgetown during the mass suicide/murder. It took less than five minutes to find her cousin listed on the survivor’s list add well add on her profile listed as a cousin. She was legit. 


It was so fucking surreal. She recommended the website that I’d already been frequenting. It’s one thing to read articles and entries on a website, than being able to actually chat (Facebook messenger) with someone so connected to the community. 

No Monday Bitchfest Today

Other than Finn having to work Saturday (yay, overtime?), we had a good weekend. 

We went up to my dad’s, so Finn could help him replace the ceiling tiles in the living room. They’d fallen due to a combination of an earthquake that hit a few years ago and a tree that fell on the house. Fun stuff, I’m telling ya. 

At least they work well together

Well, after we left… 

This happened…

Yep, Finn bought me a ring. Since my divorce is still pending, our engagement and wedding are on hold, but the intent is still there…