Monthly Archives: December 2016

Ending 2016

I’m sooo fucking happy there’s less than 12 hours left of this year. 

It’s been one struggle after another, after another. 

My anxiety/depression has been horrible the past few weeks. When I was dealing with an ear infection (that the doctor described as severe), that I was to hardheaded to see a doctor about for two weeks, I was pretty much nonfunctional. I had to force myself to do anything but hug a mug of hot tea and the heater. I got really behind on housework, and I’m still in catch up mode. The mess effects my anxiety/depression which in turn makes me not want to deal with it. At all. 

I need to pull my head outta my ass (my father’s phrasing), and get on it. But I need help. The last time I went into a cleaning spree, I had the living room done. And two days later, Finn had his force  field back up. Yeah… It’s frustrating. 

Today… Today, I’m an emotional basket case, and I just wanna talk to Finn about it, but currently can’t, because he and his father are working on some home improvement stuff that’s been planned for a week. There’s nothing I can really do to help them, other than to stay out of their way, which leaves me feeling pretty damn worthless/useless. I wanna go curl up in a ball, but again that’ll just make me feel worse. 

Rock/hard place. 

December has been Murphy’s Law around this place. All sorts of plumbing problems. From backups, to frozen pipes that burst. It’s been a rough month, to end a rough year. 

Happy Birthday to me… 

I’ve been sick to variable degrees since the end of August. August. Going on three months of varying illnesses seemingly back to back. And my immune system has taken a serious nosedive from it all. 
Today I’m feeling closer to 100% than I have in weeks. Today I’m only dealing with a stuffy/runny nose, a cough so bad I dry heave, and swollen, tender lymph nodes on the right side my neck. I’m relying heavily on caffeine and ibuprofen to function. 
During the day, I’m great. CSM function as though I’m not sick at all. That gets tossed out the window the second I try to lay down to get some very much needed sleep. I’m lucky if I get 2-3 hours of sleep these days. I lay on my left side, my jaw shifts and puts pressure on my swollen lymph node. I lay on my right side, and it’s direct pressure on the lymph node. I lay on my back, and I’ve got to find just the right angle so I don’t put pressure on the lymph node. By the time I find a comfortable position that DOESN’T put pressure on said lymph node, it’s too late. Lymph node is irritated. So I have to get up, take some more ibuprofen, and sit with my head angled towards the heater until the pain in within tolerable range again. 
Repeat laying down process again. 
Yep. Happy motherfucking birthday to me.