Monthly Archives: April 2017

Been Feeling Emotional… 

Sooo… Finn got a phone call from his mom yesterday, and I’m about thisclose to just giving up. 

  • Guilt trips for visiting my father more than them. 
  • “Why aren’t y’all married yet?”
  • “Don’t get married unless you’re sure.”
  • “She’s been divorced. Twice.”
  • “Our family doesn’t believe in divorce.”

Phone calls with her never fail to send me on an emotional roller coaster. 

My self esteem and self worth have tanked in recent months, and Finn’s reasons for us not being married/officially engaged yet feel more like excuses than genuine concerns. I’m questioning things. Not whether or not he loves me, that much is evident in his words and actions, but whether or not I’m worth it in his eyes. 

I have two divorces under my belt. With both, I was the instigator. I don’t give up easily. It takes a lot to get me to the point that I’m just done. I tried to make both marriages work. I tried so hard. But when you’re being lied to, stolen from, cheated on, and mentally abused, it takes it’s toll on you. 

And to make matters even worse on myself, I can’t stop myself from putting my foot in my mouth, picking on Finn about getting married. It just flies out. I’m trying not to do it. I just keep telling myself it’s never going to happen. Cause, honestly, at this point I just don’t see it. 

I.just.don’t.see.it. 

That’s not going to stop be from being the best girlfriend I can be for him, but marriage? I just don’t see it in the cards for us. And that’s depressing.