Monthly Archives: July 2017

Monday Bitchfest 7/31

What a fucking weekend…

Plans canceled last minute, a surprise visit from my uncle, a random friend request from my XH… 

I’d had plans with my father to take Z top an annual event I hadn’t been too since 2001. We’ve had these plans since March. To the point of rearranging Z’s visitation with his father so we could make it to said event…

 He canceled last minute. And since Finn had to work, Z and I had no other way to make it there. Only to find out when I called my dad to let him know my uncle was pulling into my neighborhood he went to said event without me or Z. I was heartbroken. I haven’t let Z know. 

The reason for my uncle’s visit? He left his wife. Some shit has been going on behind the scenes. The biggest one is that a paternity test proved that his 13 year old daughter isn’t his. On top of that, his wife of 20 years caused him too lose his SSI, takes their car to haul their neighbours to and from the store and appointments, causing him to miss his own appointments. Doctors, therapists, psychologists. We have a trifecta of abuse: medical neglect, emotional abuse, AND psychological abuse. My uncle is diagnosed bipolar, and she’s preventing him from getting his necessary medications for it. 

While my uncle was here, I get a phone call from FMIL (future mother-in-law, Finn’s mom) to cancel the cookout we’d been invited to yesterday. 

Why? Because they suddenly had to tear up their carpet to install hardwood floors. There wouldn’t be enough room for everyone. Oh, but of course,  they wanted Finn there to help. 

I. Lost. It. It felt as though Z and I were unwanted and unwelcome. As I’ve told Finn, little things add up. They constantly cancel last minute, or refuse to come to any event we have at our place. 

Finn didn’t go yesterday. He tried calling both his mom & dad, but neither answered. He didn’t leave a message for either. 

I had an emotional breakdown yesterday. After Saturday’s events, I told Finn I was feeling unwanted and rejected by both sets of parents. I was already emotionally on edge, so it caused an argument. He said I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. I told him little things add up. 

I was trying to calm myself, so I started playing with my hair. When I looked in the mirror, I saw my mom’s face. I look just like my mom. I’ve already been missing her and thinking of her daily, so add in the extra emotional stuff from Saturday, plus the anniversary of her passing coming up quick, and it was just a disaster waiting to happen. 

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Self Esteem… Rising

I stopped drinking soda just over three months ago. April 18th, to be specific. It started out because the carbonation was painful for my abscessed tooth. Now, I have quite a few body modifications (14, to be exact. No, I won’t tell you where/what.), and have given birth twice (one natural, unmedicated, one emergency c-section), and the none of that came anywhere close to the abscessed tooth. I seriously thought I was dying. I’m not being overdramatic, i refused to go to sleep the night before I went into the emergency room, because I didn’t think I would wake up. 

Anyway, because of the pain, I only drank soda to get those horse pills down, because it wasn’t happening any other way. That eventually led to me just losing the taste for it. I had half a case sitting in the kitchen that we’d bought in March, until I was able to pawn it off on someone earlier this month. 

Since April, when I stopped drinking it, I’ve lost 2.5 inches in my waist. Any weight loss has been minimal, since the rest of my measurements remain the same. I simply just lost the bloat caused by consuming so much carbonation. 

I caught a glance at my figure in the full length mirror this morning, and was amazed. I have my flat stomach back. I have my ‘V’ back, I have my abs back. 

Since I’m already thin and only lost my belly, my boobs, hips, and thighs look bigger. Damnit, I look fucking AMAZING. And I love it. 

No more soda for me again. Ever. This body makes it worth it. 

More FSIL Drama…

For some backstory,  I’ve written about her herehere, and here

She wants to match the bridal party. 

She. Wants. To. Match. The. Bridal. Party. 

She asked me the other day if I had a preference  as to what colors I want the guests to wear. I told her anything but the wedding colors. Even sent her a sample of the wedding colors. But she’s set on wearing pink. My Maid of Honor is wearing pink. 

She found out that Finn will be wearing boots, so she wants her husband to wear boots. Her exact words were “and boots too since Finn’s wearing boots.”

She even asked me what kind of shoes I’ll be wearing. I’m pissed off. I’m annoyed. This is not normal behavior. And it’s stressing me the fuck out. 

Someone needs to reign her the fuck in. This is OUR wedding, and I REFUSE to let someone take it over. 

Fuck. That. Noise. 

Monday Bitchfest 7/24


Well… I woke up in a good mood this morning, but that quickly went to absolute shit. 
First, I get guilt trips for visiting my aunt that I haven’t seen in three years, because I didn’t let anyone know I would be there.  I didn’t even know I was going to be there until five minutes before my dad pulled into her driveway. 

Second, I started a private group on Facebook so MOH and I could organise my bachelorette spa day. I posted yesterday asking when would be a good day for everyone. Not one single person had replied. It had been seen by both Finn’s mom and SIL, but neither replied.

I thought they wanted to be involved?
Oh wait, that’s right, they only want to be involved when my family isn’t. 

I’m done. So. Fucking. Done. 

The only thing I can remotely come up with is that it’s a jealousy thing.I told her when we first got engaged that I wanted a girl’s day with her and Finn’s sister. I guess she’s upset I’m trying to include both sides. It’s all well and good when it’s just her family, but she doesn’t want to be involved when my family is included.
I’ll give it a couple weeks, and if no one responds, cancel it due to “lack of interest”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find a rock to curl up under so I can cry my eyes out in peace. 

Here We Go Again…

I’ve written twice about Finn’s brother and SIL  (sister-in-law) already. Here and here

While we were out shopping for wedding supplies Saturday, Finn’s mom called to ask about our plans. He told her that we were waiting to finalize the venue before we dove too far into the decorations. Fair enough. 

She goes on to say that SIL wants to help with the decorations. 

FULL STOP. 

NO. 

This makes me feel even more suspicious. It feels like she wants to live vicariously through me, since she never had an actual wedding and reception. 

I rolled my eyes sooo hard when Finn told me. He gets it. Our tastes are vastly different. She wants a $26k ring vs my less-than-$100 moissanite bridal set. 

We’ve been told no less than four times that she wants to help, and I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want her anywhere near the crafty end of the decorations. I’ve put a lot of thought into what I want, and being naturally crafty, I don’t trust anyone else to do it to my standards. 

Yes, I realize that makes me sound like a bitch and a bridezilla, but it’s the truth. I take a lot of pride in my craft work. It’s kind of my gig. I have been paid for my creations. Once upon a time, I had two active online shops. So yeah, it’s safe to say that I’m good at what I do. 

So, onto yesterday…

I fucked up. SIL caught me in a moment of weakness (dealing with some pain from a splinter IN MY ASS. Seriously, it hurts to sit on any surface that’s not heavily cushioned. You have my permission to laugh), and I gave her the link to my Pinterest wedding board.

She’s running with it. And for some weird ass reason I’ve yet to figure out, she’s pushing bamboo cutlery. Like, fuck, let me breathe. Finn and I are paying for this whole gig out of our own pockets. 

No Pay, No Say. 

Suggestions are all well and good, but in the end, Finn and I have final say. I don’t want this wedding to become a three ring circus. My last wedding, the in-laws took over, and it ended up being almost completely the opposite of what I wanted. 

Fuck, just let us have the wedding we want. Damn. 

Still looking for volunteers for ‘red wine duty.’ 

Any takers??

Eighty-Eight Days…

Things are starting to truly come together. 

  1. Invites ✔
  2. Bouquets ✔
  3. Boutoneers ✔
  4. My dress ✔
  5. Decorations ✔
  6. Pastor ✔
  7. Venue ✔
  8. Favors ✔

I still want to get some tulle, sooo we can “drape” it around the pavilion. Guess we’ll see…
Eighty eight days til I get to marry this guy…