Monthly Archives: August 2017

A Letter to My Momma…

Mom, 

I’m getting married! We have 59 days left to go. It’s been so hard without you here to bounce ideas off of. You’re going to be represented in small, but obvious ways. My dress, OMG my dress. It’s amazing! It’s light and airy, and GREY. Grey, the color that represents lung disease awareness. I didn’t even realize it until my dress was in my arms. 

The flowers were another happy accident. Lilacs, roses, lilies, hydrangeas. All flowers I know you loved. It was almost like you’d been guiding my hand as I picked them out. I’m even using eucalyptus as filler, because the smell relaxes me because you always had a eucalyptus spray sitting on the fireplace when I was growing up. Small things my fiance’s family won’t think twice about, but our side will definitely see it. 

My necklace is doubled-stranded, with two open filigree lockets. One locket has your birthstone, the other has my fiance’s. I attached another locket to dad’s boutoneer with both of your birthstones inside. 

But mom, things are going sideways. My fiance’s family is driving me bat shit insane. His mom claims it’s our wedding, and tells us to do what we want, but then turns around and puts down all of our ideas. Sunday, she even questioned why I want to wear boots. Mom, the wedding is a rustic/country theme. of course I want to wear cowboy boots. It’s part of who I am. 

His brother’s wife is trying to pretend they’re part of the bridal party. She’s trying to have her and her husband match us. It’s annoying, but far from the end of the world. I’ll just make sure the photographer keeps them on the outside of group photos. His mom did, however, ask if I had a preference as to what color she wears. I told her anything but grey or pale pink, as that’s what my MOH and I are wearing. I’m hoping that gets spread through the family. I told my fiancé and added that I hope she realizes white is included in that. He said he hopes so, too. Even he knows you don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding. 

As our wedding day inches nearer, I’m missing you more and more. I’ve ugly cried more than once. You may not be there physically, but I’ll make damn sure you’ll be there spiritually. 


Friday Confessions 8/4/17

It’s been a long time since I’ve done a Friday Confessions post, and it’s very much overdue. 

I’m fucking terrified. 

The wedding nightmares have begun. They’re stupid little things, but enough to get under my skin…

  1. My Bat Shit Crazy sister showing up and ruining everything. 
  2. My Bat Shit Crazy sister showing up and convincing Finn to call it all off 
  3. Being left at the alter 
  4. Murphy’s Law (anything that can go wrong, WILL go wrong)
  5. Families not getting along 
  6. Uninvited guests 
  7. Kids being holy terrors, and the parents doing nothing about it

Sooo, yeah. Not only does wedding anxiety plague me during the day, it’s invading my dreams as well. 

My Give-A-Damn Snapped…

 Welp, I do believe I’ve hit my limit. No, nothing new has happened. I’m just over it all. 

I’m tired of worrying about what other people say or think. 

They can wear whatever the fuck they want, just don’t come crying to me when someone tells you how inappropriate it is. And trust me, at least one guest will say something to someone. 

Wedding etiquette isn’t that hard to figure out:

  1. Don’t wear white. Or anything that can be mistaken for white in pictures. 
  2. Don’t upstage the couple. 

Number 2 can be broken down into thousands of facets. 

  1. Don’t propose 
  2. Don’t announce a pregnancy 
  3. DON’T WEAR WHITE (or the color the bride is wearing, if you know)
  4. Don’t pretend it’s your wedding&reception that you never got to have 
  5. Don’t try to match the bridal party
  6. Don’t monopolize the couple 

Yeah, it’s not hard to figure out, and I’m done trying to hold anyone’s hand to prevent them from making a fool out of themselves. 

I’m done caring. It doesn’t reflect poorly on Finn or I. It reflects poorly on the guest. None of that little stuff matters. 

What matters is that I’ll be going to bed on our wedding night as Finn’s wife. 

Bridezilla in 3. 2. 1…

I’ll be so fucking happy once this wedding is done. 

Finn’s family is driving me bat shit crazy. If it’s not FSIL trying to get too involved, it’s FMIL complaining about one thing or another. If it’s not FMIL shitting on all of our ideas, it’s Finn’s brother complaining about having to wear a boutoneer. 

After him and his mom guilted Finn into naming him as best man. Seriously? He’s complaining about the requested attire for a role he guilted Finn into giving him. That’s LITERALLY the number one job of everyone in the bridal party. SHOW UP WEARING THE REQUESTED ATTIRE. Don’t fucking complain about it. Damn. 

FSIL has gone radio silent after our conversation about what she wants to wear. It’s beyond hope. No one’s going to talk to her about how inappropriate it is to intentionally match the bridal party. Either no one understands, or they don’t care. 

My vote goes for the latter. 

I posted a simple question on Facebook to see if anyone else was of my sister’s opinion, that it’s inappropriate to ask ceremony guests not to post pictures until after our arrival at the reception. 

Most agreed with me, that it’s not too much to ask. 

FMIL’s opinion however…

 Wow this is becoming too much

Followed by…

Look I am going to take pictures I don’t care what Finn says and if u guys have a problem with that I just won’t come

That was followed up by a phone call from her asking why not everyone will be invited to the ceremony. I tried to explain that both Finn and I suffer from social anxiety, and wanted to keep the ceremony private and intimate, but still wanted to share at least part of the day with our friends. 

Ugh… NOW she’s complaining that the reception will be too big, and we won’t have enough food for everyone. 

There’s no winning with this family. 

I did the math after the phone call. Not including children, the ceremony will have 24 guests (including wedding party), and the reception will have 36 guests. Including all children, our guest list count jumps to 53 people. And that’s IF (huge, major, IF) everyone invited shows up. Which I highly doubt they will. 

Still, not a big wedding, despite what she says. That’s smaller than most of the family get togethers my parents hosted when I was growing up. 

Next up: FMIL wants granddaughters soon.  Granddaughters, not grandsons. She wants me to have twin girls. Oh, but wait six months after going off birth control, because that’s how long it takes to get out of your system. 

Ummm. No. It takes 2-3 days. That’s what your period is when you’re on birth control. Withdrawal bleed. It may take awhile for your body to figure out WTF it’s doing, but the hormones are out of your system within days. 

I’ve been off my BCPs since May, and have had two normal cycles since (I chart). My last period even indicated that my body has figured out what it’s supposed to be doing. 

Random Thoughts Tuesdays 8/1

This wedding is becoming a freaking circus. I thought it was Finn’s family I had to worry about. 

Yeah… about that…

My oldest sister and I were chatting on Snapchat, when our other sister came up in conversation…

As you can tell, I feel very strongly about the other sister NOT getting an invitation to the wedding. But I have a sneaking suspicion that someone will leak her the information, and she’ll end up crashing the wedding. 

On top of that fiasco, I told oldest sis that while we don’t mind guests taking pictures of the ceremony, we don’t want them posted on social media until after we’ve made our entrance at the reception. 

She questioned me about it. I explained to her that it’s a private ceremony for family only, friends are being invited to the reception only, and we’d like to surprise our reception guests. She didn’t comprehend it. At all. Then implied that it was disrespectful to ask that of our guests. 

What. The. Actual. Fuck?!?!

It’s disrespectful of us to ask that a private moment not be blasted on social media, but not disrespectful for guests not to follow our wishes?

She threw a tantrum, and said “well, I just won’t bring my phone then.” As though it’s SUCH an inconvenience to wait an hour to post pictures on Instagram. Seriously?

Then, she drops this bomb:

I don’t want anyone taking pictures of me.”

Ok, seriously? YOU want to post pictures of one of the most important moments of my life immediately, and when I ask you not to it’s disrespectful? But if you end up in the background of picture, you don’t want it on social media? How the fuck does that make any sense???