Category Archives: narcissistic abuse

Words…

I just scrolled through my recent posts, and apparently, Finn’s and my upcoming wedding have completely taken over this blog. 

That shouldn’t be surprising, considering that it’s currently the biggest thing going on in my life, right?

We have twenty-three days left, so we’re at crunch time. My brain is completely scattered, bouncing around about twenty things at once (gotta love an artist’s mind). Bouquets, centerpieces, hair, make-up, corsages, boutoneers, flowers, dresses, stress, families, drama, pain, possibility of rain, hurricane season (why????), Finn, weight loss (again, why??? It’s a good thing I didn’t get a strapless dress)

I don’t really talk to anyone but Finn about what’s going on, just say there’s some family drama going on in the background. I’m pissed that I even have to consider the possibility that someone will either intentionally or unintentionally screw up our day or upstage us. 

I know drama surrounds literally ALL weddings in some capacity or another:

  1. In-laws not getting along with the bride/groom 
  2. In-laws not getting along with each other 
  3. Drama within one or both families 
  4. Jealous friends/relatives
  5. Someone mad they weren’t asked to be part of the bridal party 
  6. Competitive siblings 

On top of all that, I’m a planner that suffers from an anxiety disorder, so of course, my super-creative (yay, an artist’s mind) mind comes up with crazy (though possible) scenarios that could absolutely ruin our wedding day:

  1. OS leaking information to PsychoSister about date/times/locations. 
  2. One, or both of them, showing up.
  3. PsychoSister showing up at the pavilion we rented, and destroying it before the reception starts. 
  4. PsychoSister showing up during the ceremony, and ruining it. 

In short, PsychoSister is a bitch, and I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her. I’ve been told that she only leaves the house for doctors appointments, but I have zero clue if that’s correct information, as I’ve also been told that when someone tries to make plans with her, they’re “going out of town.”

So, honestly, anything is possible at this point. I have zero doubt that if she thinks she can ruin my happiness, she’ll attempt it. It’s her go-to. 

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Hindsight is 20/20

Not always, but…

With as scattered as my thoughts have been since Finn and I started wedding planning, it hadn’t occurred to me just how much OS had been working my nerves. Most of it was on Snapchat, so I don’t have screen shots, but it was quite often. 

Looking back, it feels like she was trying to instigate a fight. Trying to argue with me and prove me wrong about nonsensical stuff, saying asking for no pictures to be posted on social media before we had the chance was rude, asking a multitude of questions when I’d given her the website where all the answers are literally at her fingertips, all while knowing I was swamped with wedding planning stuff. 

I don’t know if I feel more stupid for falling into a  possible trap, or more confused about whether or not it was truly her intention. 

I’m done. So fucking done. I’ve had suspicions of OS passing on information to PsychoSister for months. Ever since last Thanksgiving, and then when PsychoSister mysteriously acquired my father’s phone number. 

It’s disturbing to see that someone would intentionally give that information, knowing what the fallout would be. 

Now, I’m even more terrified that OS has already leaked the information about our wedding to PsychoSister, and that she’ll show up to ruin our day. 

Send help.

Still Stressed ~ Working on It

Finn’s still asleep, and Z is in his room gaming, so I’m left alone with my thoughts. That’s not exactly a safe place for me to be. 

I’m still fucking hurt and stressed the fuck out after OS’s outburst Thursday. I honestly don’t doubt that PsychoSister planned it that way. She’s vindictive like that. 

“Oh, your life is going good? Let me see what I can do about that.”

She did this shit before my last wedding. Started a rumor in the family, and caused OS to stop talking to all of this. 

I’m done. So fucking done. I cannot live my life like that. I cannot be walking on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can’t do it anymore. I have to think about my own mental health. 

The best part of all of this mess is that my WHOLE family is supportive of me going no contact with both of my sisters. 

“If you have a problem with everyone in your life, perhaps the problem isn’t them… It’s you.”

More Family Dysfunction 

The sister I posted about here tried to add me on Snapchat yesterday, using my phone number. It states very clearly how people add you on that app. That’s one of the things I love about it. 

I sent a screen shot to my oldest sister (OS), and she tried to tell me that that didn’t mean PsychoSister has my phone number. Umm. Yes, yes it does. That’s exactly what it means. 

Now, it’s possible that PsychoSister has had my number for awhile, but I really, really doubt that. If she had, she’d have been harassing me all along. 

OS thought I was blaming her for giving out my phone number. I kept telling her I didn’t know, and didn’t have time to think about it. I was quite literally addressing and stuffing envelopes for wedding invitations. She ended up removing me from Snapchat, and her followers on Instagram. She never stopped following me, though. Curious. Guess who’s no longer invited to the wedding. 

OS then sent PsychoSister after me, and I ended up getting this text:

This text, and her trying to add me on Snapchat don’t add up… She wants to start shit, and I’m not having it anymore. 

I got a hold of my dad (we were on the phone for nearly an hour, and he made me feel a lot better about it. A talked to a cousin, she did the same. 

My aunt and uncle, though? When I told her that this whole mess makes me wonder if I’m the one with the problem. My uncle pipes up, and his answer was fucking epic:

Your sisters are both psycho its not you

THANK YOU UNCLE TRAVIS!!!

I hate it when people make me second guess myself. I hate it when people make me question my self worth. I hate it when people make me feel worthless. 

I can no longer allow people who do that in my life. I deserve better. 

Family Dysfuntion

Necessary Background:

 

I’m the youngest  of six kids. I’m the product of my mom’s thirdn marriage, my father’s second. I’m the only child they had together. My mom had two sons by her first husband, and two daughters by her second. My father had a son by his first wife. My mom passed away several years ago. My father has since remarried.

 

Got that? Good. Cause it’s about to get even more complicated.

 

My youngest sister (YS) has a few undiagnosed mental issues (Definitely a Cluster B disorder). For as long as I can remember, she has to make everything about herself. She has a victim complex. If she feels like someone else is getting attention she believes she deserves, she’ll pick a fight with her chosen victim (usually me or my dad, her step-father). Due to this, she started a fight with my step-mother, causing my whole family to stop talking  to each other for YEARS. My father didn’t speak to me for almost three years, because he believed YS’s lies. We’ve since repaired the relationship. I’m now back in contact with everyone. Except her.

 

A few years back, my father brought me two boxes of family photos, along with my mother’s urn. The only things she didn’t steal when someone let her in my dad’s house. I didn’t ask for any of it. But when my sister found out, she blew a gasket.

 

Keep in mind, we hadn’t spoken in at least 4 years at that point. I was working on my spine. About two years ago, she re-added me on Facebook, I approved because I’m an idiot, thinking maybe she’d changed. Nope. Within a week, she was harassing me about “when we could go through the pictures,” I gave her times and dates of when I’d be available, but none of them were ever good enough. I eventually just went through the pictures and dropped the ones she specifically mentioned to her husband.

 

Ohhhh, no. That still wasn’t good enough. She wanted me to drop what I was doing and go to her house to show them to her. (Side step for a minute: My sister is the very embodiment of the ‘Crazy Cat Lady’. She has several cats that refuse to use the litter box, so her whole house has essentially become a litter box. On top of that, she’s also a boarder-line hoarder. It was God-awful the last time I was there in 2009, and I’m told it’s only gotten worse in the past almost eight years. So, how about no? I have zero desire to step foot into that bio-hazard.) After a day or two, she went quite on the subject. So I had assumed it was over.

 

I did mention I’m an idiot, didn’t I?

 

Things were quiet, for almost a year and a half (I’ll tell the Thanksgiving story in another post. Maybe), until I announced my engagement to my fiance last week.

 

I really, really should have seen it coming. (Told you, I’m an idiot.)

 

She started in on it within hours of finding out. Texting Older Sister (OS). Trying to find information on my dad. OS swears she gray-rocked her. But someone gave YS my dad’s phone number. And she harassed him while he was at work. I was shown the texts, and while they look innocent enough to an outsider, they were full of a Narc’s attempt at hoovering. My dad didn’t fall for it (Smart man.), and when that didn’t work, she took it to Facebook. Where I ignored it. Even when she commented directly on my posts.

 

I FINALLY grey-rocked the hell outta her. Even when she commented on a post someone else posted on my page. The only reaction that got out of me was to delete it, because it brought my son into it (that’s another issue entirely. His father is alienating me. Changes his number at least every other month, and doesn’t tell my son, so it looks like I’m not trying to contact him. It’s heartbreaking. And her comment pretty much ruined my mother’s day.) Immediately after she posted it, she blocked me. I guess she thought I wouldn’t be able to see it? Or wouldn’t be able to delete the comment, since it wasn’t on my original post? Either way, I was able to do both.

 

I have also blocked all of her known accounts (Up to 5 now. WTF??), just in case she decides to unblock me to start more shit.

 

 

 

Hindsight

Holy shit, two posts in one day… 

The past few weeks, I’ve gone back through and read messages between STBXH and myself since the day I told him I was done. That’s almost two and a half years worth of messages to go through. 
Fortunately, I’ve never deleted a single one, so I have them all in my possession no matter what phone or phone number he was using. 



I spent the first few months after I left wondering if I was the problem. I caught hell from his friends, received nasty, vile text messages from his friends. He claimed to have been a victim of me.  Now, after rereading his texts, and speaking with friends that knew him, I’m most definitely assured that, no, I was his victim. 



Lies, deflection, gaslighting, deversion. His texts read like a fucking psychology book on narcissism. 


I have almost two and a half year’s worth of proof of narcissistic abuse piled up. And that’s only after I left. 


Of course before I left, it was the same shit. 


Find messages to other women? My fault, because “if I wasn’t looking, I wouldn’t have found it”. Someone sends me links to his dating site profiles?  Somehow my fault. 


My eyes are open now. He’s a liar, a cheater, and a narcissist. And I was his victim. 


Hindsight.