Category Archives: new year

Been Busy…

I reopened my business page on Facebook, and here it is a week later, and I’m already up to 14 orders. Damn.

Twelve for scarves and two hats. It’s been overwhelming.

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Twelve skull scarves. Takes 12 of these

2016 is shaping up to be a pretty damn good year so far.

Finn and I are doing great. I fall even more in love with him every day.  I can’t believe I’ve been so blessed to have him in my life. He’s amazing to me, and even more so to Z. I love watching them interact. Finn’s been more of a father to Z than his bio-dad, who is pretty much just a “holiday dad”, as in he only sees Z on school breaks. Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break, and summer vacation. He had him last spring break,  which means Z probably won’t see his bio-dad for another six months.

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2015, this is not better…

2015, we had this discussion three days ago, you were supposed to be getting better, NOT worse.

My brother had a stroke last night. Of all of my siblings, I’ve always been closest to him. I’m worried and freaking out and no one’s telling me anything other than “They’re running tests.” What tests? What’s happening? How bad was the stroke? What’s his prognosis? These are the details I want and need.

Can I have a redo?

Dear 2015,

So far, you SUCK!  It’s been one thing after another, after another so far this year. And we’re only 9 days in. This is f*cking ridiculous!

So far, Scott and I have both had the flu, my migraine still hasn’t fully gone away, we had to replace the water heater, and today, we were in an accident.

We were going to the grocery store, and must’ve hit a patch of black ice when Scott made the turn. Fishtailed, and ended up going through a fence. No damage to us, and minimal damages to the car. Not bad, but still… Scary.

So, 2015, do ya think you could, you know, get better?

What a way to start 2015…

With a migraine. What fun. /sarcasm.  My family seems to be a bunch of walking barometers, we all feel it when atmospheric pressure starts to decline. Scott feels it, too. Just not his head. With him, it’s the injuries from his accident.

I’ve never mentioned his accident before, because it’s not my story to tell, but my life would be vastly different today had he not been in the accident, or if they hadn’t been able to resuscitate him. Either way, I never would have met him the second time around.

He had to work NYE, so of course, I went with him, since Z is still with his father. It was my first time ever going out for NYE, and also, my first midnight kiss. Maybe. I honestly can’t remember. I’m not 100% on whether or not I kissed STBXH last year. I don’t think I did.

I told Scott that since we started the new year together, we’re ending it together. He is the sweetest. I love him. So much. I can’t wait to continue our love story.

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Reflections ~ 2014

Closing the door on another year, what a year it has been!

Definitely a year of changes. I never would have thought my life would change so much in a year. When 2014 began, I was not expecting it to end with me living in another city, and separated from STBXH. I don’t think anyone would really expect as many changes as I’ve faced in just one year.

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STBXH and I started 2014 off with one of our biggest fights. He told me to “get over it” and “deal with it” when I was offended and highly upset by a skinny hate Facebook post from his sister, when he had previously told her such posts offended me. It got to the point that I stormed out of the house, in the middle of a snowstorm, during the coldest winter in 20 years. Yup, I was that pissed off at the whole family. I told him that night that I wanted a divorce, but he didn’t believe me.

STBXH tried to make things work, but I’d have a bad day, and he seemingly gave up. It was a cycle. I’d have a breakdown, he’d make an attempt for a few days, then we’d go back to our old routine.

When I met Captain back in April, things began to shift. I grew more and more distant from STBXH, and confided in Captain. When I met Scott, I was already done with the marriage (and looking for an apartment), I had even told STBXH that I couldn’t do it anymore, that it was too late. He begged me not to say that, but it was. I’d discovered that I needed more than a part-time companion. I needed an emotional connection, as well as a physical one.

I took my wedding ring off the final time on June 8th when I was at work. Hours before I told him I was done. I was not wearing my ring when I met Scott.

The night I met Scott (and the following week), he proved that he listened. Not just to what I was saying to him, but also what I was saying to my friends. He overheard me saying that I missed my writing, so he bought me a pink leather bound journal and a pink pen with refills. He’d also heard me tell my friends my heritage (German, French & Irish), so the same night he surprised me with the journal and pen, he have me a claddagh ring and necklace, and a thumb ring with the word “trust” on it. He gave it to me one night when he picked me up from work, while I was still living with STBXH. I was trying to figure out how to hide it, but instead just said “fuck it” and put the jewelry on.

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So many people have come in and out of my life this year, and it’s not a bad thing. I did a lot of growing and finding myself. I’m in charge of my happiness. If someone is dragging me down, I owe it to myself to remove them from my life. This, I think, is part of why I’m able to keep my depression and anxiety in check.

With fewer people in my life, it’s easier for me to explain when I’m having a bad anxiety day. No one really understands how bad my anxiety really is. I tried explaining it to E as best I could, but I still don’t think she fully grasps how bad the attacks really are. Your heart races, your breathing quickens and becomes shallow. It truly is a terrifying experience. Some people are rushed to the hospital, thinking they’re having a heart attack.

Scott and I are doing great. Everyday, he says something else that speeds up my heart. He’s making plans for the future. Our future together. My future without him when he passes (hopefully a very, very long time from now). He wants to make sure I’ll be taken care of, and told Scott#2 this on Christmas Eve. Apparently, I get the house and the car.

I’m beginning 2015 the happiest I’ve ever been, with a man that makes me smile like an idiot every time he tells me he loves me.