Category Archives: Parenting

Hypothetical Babies & Boundaries

(This post is full of labor and delivery TMI. I don’t go into in depth details, though. Read at your own risk.)

Sooo… I’ve been off birth control since May. I finished the cycle I was on when we got engaged, and that was it. I’ve been charting ever since. It was amazingly easy to slip right back into the old habit. 

My two previous births couldn’t be more different.

With my first, I went into labor naturally (on my due date!!!), progressed quickly (3cm to 9cm in less than two hours), doctor had to break my water, and baby was in my arms after 5 pushes. No epidural. I didn’t even have time to get the standard IV.

With my second, my water broke naturally, even though I hadn’t dilated at all. If you understand labor and cervix jargon, I was 0% effaced, 0 dilated, and at -2 station. To put it simply, my body was in no way ready for labor. Baby hadn’t even dropped. Dispite that, I had to be induced, since my water had already been broken. That’s when things went south. 

I started having contractions quickly. Nothing I couldn’t handle. Been there, done that. However, once I hit 6cm, all hell broke loose. My water fully broke, since it was only a leak before. Baby hadn’t dropped yet, so when my water broke, and my uterus shrank, due to losing so much fluid at once, his cord presented. 

A very serious compilation, that could lead to stillbirth.

I was prepped for surgery immediately. As they were wheeling me into the Operating Room, I told the anesthesiologist to just “knock me out,” since I knew it would be quicker than trying to place an epidural and wait for it to do it’s magic. 

Finn and I aren’t necessarily trying to conceive at this point, but we aren’t not trying, either. He knows my history with childbirth (even though he STILL can’t see my c-section scar without me pointing it out). We’re both hoping that when the time comes (god willing), I’ll be able to deliver naturally. However, I also understand that an epidural is a MUST, just in case compilations arise. 

This is where boundaries come in. 

I was only 23 when I had my c-section, and very, very passive. I had constant guests, and since my primary nurse has known me since I was a kid, she didn’t just bend the “no more than three visitors at a time” rule, she all-out broke it. At one point, I think I had about ten visitors in that room. I was still in my hospital gown, still had my morphine drip, and wasn’t allowed out of bed. Not even to go to the bathroom. 

So, I told Finn that **if** we ever have a baby, I didn’t want visitors until the catheter (TMI, sorry!) was removed. No visitors while I’m laboring, no one sitting in the waiting room, no visitors until we’ve had time to bond with baby. 

Cart before horse? Maybe. But I don’t want to spring it on him while we’re driving to the hospital. 


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I’m Getting Old…

Z started middle school today. All honors classes, except for English/Language Arts, in which he’s gifted. 

So, lots of changes this school year. Lots of changes in 2017 in general, though. 

Overwhelmed is an Understatement… 

I had a meeting with the school district’s Eligibility Committee this morning, and Z officially has his Individual Education Plan (IEP) for being gifted. 

Since we’re at the tail end of the school year (three weeks to go!), it’ll come into effect when he starts middle school at the end of August. 

But, holy crap, it’s been one helluva year, and we’re not even halfway through it yet. 

  • Z’s surgery
  • My divorce
  • Z being placed in all honors classes next year
  • Our engagement 
  • Z being vetted as gifted. 

We can only hope this year continues on this path. 

Emotionally Exhausting Week

The past week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions; my head is still all over the place. 

Tuesday, January 17th 

   – filed for my divorce from STBXH

   – Z came home from school complaining of stomach pains


Wednesday, January 18th

   -kept Z home from school, he got progressively worse as the day went on

   – called 911 for an ambulance to take us to the hospital

   – diagnosis of appendicitis 


Thursday, January 19th

   – emergency appendectomy. No rupture, but a LOT of pus in his abdomen. 

   – due to said pus, there’s a risk of secondary infection. Extra time in the hospital. 

Friday,  January 20th

   – got a text from STBXH saying that he’d been served with the divorce papers. 


We were in the hospital until yesterday, and Z’s home til Wednesday. I’ve received a crap ton of phone calls and messages of support and concern. Including from Z’s teacher and a classmate’s mom. It’s been amazing. 

I spent the whole ambulance ride to the hospital second guessing myself, after the EMTs said it could be as simple as severe constipation. Clearly, my mother’s intuition was in full force Wednesday evening. I don’t want to think about what could have happened had I not gotten him to the hospital when I did. (Hint: it could have ended VERY badly.)

Finn was amazing during all of this. He left work early to be with us in the ER Wednesday, and sat with me while Z was in surgery. He only left the hospital to go to work, and came straight back as soon as he got off. Words cannot express how much that meant to Z and I. 


Parenting Done Right

I know every parent thinks their kid is the best. It’s what we do as parents, we brag about our kid’s accomplishments to anyone that will listen.

I’m guilty of that myself. Though, I’ve never once bragged about Z on this blog, I do on Facebook to an extent.

Z just turned 10 on the first of this month, and he’s the smartest, kindest, thoughtful, most generous child I’ve ever met.

Last night, I asked him to get out the stuff to make dinner, while I go outside to smoke. By the time I come back in, not only had he done that, he also put the water on to boil (spaghetti for dinner).

He’s also done something similar with the laundry, I ask him to bring the basket from upstairs (bad knees, I don’t trust myself going up or down stairs carrying anything heavy). The next thing I know, he’s filled the washer.

He gave himself chores around the house, without any prompting from Finn or myself. He puts the dishes away, takes out the trash, even folds and puts away his own clothes.

Last fall, he mentioned wanting to grow out his hair, just to see what it would look like. I’m guessing it’s because Finn has long hair. Anyway, I mentioned hair donations to him, and he decided that’s what he wants to do.

He’s really sticking to his decision. A lot of people are telling him he needs a haircut (his father, his brother, his brother’s father, kids at school), but he’s holding his ground. I’ve told him “it’s your hair, it’s your business, no one else’s.”

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This is his hair as of a week ago

Been Busy…

I reopened my business page on Facebook, and here it is a week later, and I’m already up to 14 orders. Damn.

Twelve for scarves and two hats. It’s been overwhelming.

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Twelve skull scarves. Takes 12 of these

2016 is shaping up to be a pretty damn good year so far.

Finn and I are doing great. I fall even more in love with him every day.  I can’t believe I’ve been so blessed to have him in my life. He’s amazing to me, and even more so to Z. I love watching them interact. Finn’s been more of a father to Z than his bio-dad, who is pretty much just a “holiday dad”, as in he only sees Z on school breaks. Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break, and summer vacation. He had him last spring break,  which means Z probably won’t see his bio-dad for another six months.

Bad Dreams…

Last night was rough, to say the least…

Before Finn got home from work (Can I just say that I HATE that he works nights???), I woke up from a semi-nightmare.

I’d been laying in bed, half asleep, when all of a sudden these half-monkey-half-hermit crab things started attacking me. They had the shells and hard exoskeletons of hermit crabs, but were furry and had tails like monkeys. Seriously, WTF???

I tried to wait up for Finn after that, but failed miserably.

Then, this morning, another one hit…

I had been sitting in the living room when I hear a car door slam shut. I looked out the window to see our mail carrier unloading bunk beds. So I go outside, and she hands me two open envelopes.

One was the paperwork for the divorce, with information circled, underlined, and written in. The other was paperwork she’d filled out to report me to CPS (Child Protection Services). Using the information she’d found on the divorce paperwork (what she’d circled, underlined, written in) and the delivery of the bunk beds as “evidence”.

Yeah, to say I’m shaken up is an understatement

Oh Damn, The Feels…

So yesterday, on our way to the store, this song came on…

Brad Paisley – He Didn’t Have To Be: http://youtu.be/BjO1F6oCab8

It’s already an emotional song as it is, but Z took it to a whole new level.

((At the end of the song))
Z: Hey Finn? Do you know when would be a good time to play this song?
((Oh crap look shared between Finn and I))
Finn: When’s that, Z?
Z: When you marry my mom.

Yep, that one made me tear up.

Well Now…

The logic of some people simply baffle me…

Last year, I posted a pic of myself hanging out with my friends at a bar. (I had ONE girls night out a week.) And I get this comment:

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I posted this on Facebook this morning:

Last night when we were out shopping Z comes up with this gem (with ZERO prompting):

“I’m part Finn, part you, and just a bit of my dad.”

Well, OK then.

And got this comment:

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Sooo…

Am I reading this right? As a single mother, I shouldn’t have a social life, but at the same time, I shouldn’t let my kids bond with my boyfriend?

Rough Weekend…

I feel like crawling into a corner, curling up into a ball and crying.

Open mouth, insert foot.

Nothing I’ve tried to say has come out right this weekend. I’m in desperate need of a break. Other than the DMV and grocery shopping, I haven’t left the house in almost a month. I’m going stir-crazy. A bad case of cabin fever.

Then, I got this text…

And H wanted Z to come down next weekend

OK. Maybe I can get out of the house. Good, God. I need this.
Z’s father only comes to pick him up when he has a break from school. Three day weekends or longer. So, Z hasn’t seen his father since Christmas break. When, according to the court order, He’s supposed to have him every other weekend. Yeah… this has been my struggle since Z started school. He only wants to pick him up when he has him for more than two days. Basically, Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, spring break and a few weeks during the summer. We just argued about it again today. Looks like I’m going to have to file for a modification.

Sigh.