Category Archives: Random Thought Tuesdays
We’re 18 days away from the wedding at this point, and for the most part, all of my stress has melted away.
For the most part…
Finn’s mom called me yesterday, and it was a doozy. There’s some background before I get into the conversation.
((Finn was adopted at around 7 months old, and his biological sister was adopted to the same parents at birth, when Finn was 13 months old. I’ve never met their biological mother, and I have no desire to. I’ve heard horror stories about how bad things were for Finn before he came to be in his adoptive parent’s care. It’s not my story to tell, but I will say that his bio mother dropped him off to be babysat, and then just never returned.))
As I said, I’ve never met his bio mother, and I have zero desire to. It came out months ago (before our engagment was official, let alone announced), that his bio mom had contacted his adoptive mom, trying to get information about me, and our relationship (even to an outsider ((he has his bio mom as a Facebook friend)), it was obvious that our relationship was headed towards an engagement and wedding, apparently). Even so far as to hinting for an invitation to our wedding (which, again, at that point I hadn’t even received an invitation to). Have I mentioned I have zero desire to meet this woman??? Yea-NO. No invite for bio mother. No brainer decision, on both of our parts.
Ok, onto yesterday’s phone call…
His mom called, and said she had a question for me, all while acting extremely nervous, which got my anxiety going.
I’ll be “T” for Tamma, and she’ll be “M” for mom:
M: I wanted to verify that ((Finn’s bio mother)) won’t be at the wedding.
T: Definitely not.
M: Because me and ((Finn’s sister)) will walk out if she shows up.
T: I’ve never met her, I have no desire to meet her. If she wanted to be a part of Finn’s life, she should have thought about that before she gave him away.
Plus, she has no clue where the ceremony even is.
M: Are you sure? Because you’ve been posting about it a lot.
T: I’m positive. I’ve been extremely careful, because I have mutual friends with ((PsychoSister)), and I don’t want anyone to be able to pass along information to her.
She finally got it after I said that. She knows what I’ve dealt with from PsychoSister, and how much anxiety the thought of her showing up causes me.
She then went on to ask if I’m nervous.
Nope. The only thing that changes is the legality. But, she still swears I am/will be nervous. What’s there to be nervous over? Saying “I do”? Nah. We’ve known since very early on that this was it. We started talking about marriage within the first month of dating. No nerves involved at all.
This wedding is becoming a freaking circus. I thought it was Finn’s family I had to worry about.
Yeah… about that…
My oldest sister and I were chatting on Snapchat, when our other sister came up in conversation…
As you can tell, I feel very strongly about the other sister NOT getting an invitation to the wedding. But I have a sneaking suspicion that someone will leak her the information, and she’ll end up crashing the wedding.
On top of that fiasco, I told oldest sis that while we don’t mind guests taking pictures of the ceremony, we don’t want them posted on social media until after we’ve made our entrance at the reception.
She questioned me about it. I explained to her that it’s a private ceremony for family only, friends are being invited to the reception only, and we’d like to surprise our reception guests. She didn’t comprehend it. At all. Then implied that it was disrespectful to ask that of our guests.
What. The. Actual. Fuck?!?!
It’s disrespectful of us to ask that a private moment not be blasted on social media, but not disrespectful for guests not to follow our wishes?
She threw a tantrum, and said “well, I just won’t bring my phone then.” As though it’s SUCH an inconvenience to wait an hour to post pictures on Instagram. Seriously?
Then, she drops this bomb:
“I don’t want anyone taking pictures of me.”
Ok, seriously? YOU want to post pictures of one of the most important moments of my life immediately, and when I ask you not to it’s disrespectful? But if you end up in the background of picture, you don’t want it on social media? How the fuck does that make any sense???
Everything’s coming together now. We’ve secured our officiant, bouquets are done except for final touches. Finn’s wardrobe has been figured out, just not purchased. We’re getting there.
Slowly, but surely.
Z wants to be ring security (LMAO), because he’s too big to be the ring bearer. Fair enough. I’m sure we’ll sort all of that out soon enough.
Z’s helping me out with some of the crafty stuff today. He wants to help so he can be involved, who am I to tell him he can’t?
2017 has proven to be a year of changes. It’s been one helluva wild ride. Two name changes for me (from married name, to maiden name, to a new married name coming in October), Z starting middle school in all Honors classes, except math which he has an IEP for the gifted program. It’s been a lot to take in. His IQ scores from the school psychologist are all in the 120s. His test scores in math and English are all off the charts (he was two points away from being placed in gifted English as well as math). Kid’s a genius. Literally. He’s nervous, but excited to begin this new journey in his education.
I’m just trying to take everything one day at a time.
My thoughts are currently here and there and everywhere else.
Finn and I have been together for over a year and a half now, and we’re both ready to move onto the next step. There’s only one thing stopping us…
I’m still legally married to STBXH. It’s driving me crazy. We’ve been separated for well over two years. My life has been on hold since the day I walked out.
I’ll be 34 in a month and a half. I’m ready for my forever with Finn to officially begin. We’ve already accomplished so much together as a couple. We literally started at rock bottom, and now we’re buying a home together.
I cannot wait for my divorce to be finalized, so Finn and I can begin our forever.
Is it possible to love someone too much?
It’s only been just over five months since Finn and I met, but he’s snuck into my head and my heart. He’s a sneaky little brat.
I thought I’ve been in love before, but nothing, nothing, has come close to what I feel for him. He make me happy. He makes my heart race. He calms me. It’s him. It’s been him from our first kiss. Even before then. From the first night we met. There are no words good enough to properly explain how I feel in his arms. I never expected to fall in love with him, but I did. And now I plan on loving him forever. He is my forever. My happily ever after.
Things are finally starting to calm back down. On Mother’s Day, Finn and I were told to pack our stuff and get out, because we refused to give our roommates the last $10 to our name.
It’s been one helluva roller coaster ride, but I tell ya what, I learned that Finn is definitely a keeper. He could have moved back into his parent’s house, but since they wouldn’t allow us to live together unmarried (religious reasons), he refused. Instead, we slept in his car and couch surfed. That is, until his family found out, and his grandmother offered to let us stay in her house.
That man is the most amazing man I’ve ever met. He’s shown me nothing but compassion and concern since the night we met. When it felt like my life was falling apart, he was there helping me rebuild from the ashes. He’s gone above and beyond anything I would have ever asked for. Words cannot properly convey how much he means to me.
Everything happens for a reason. He came into my life when I wasn’t very lovable, but fell in love with me anyway. He’s made me smile, when I really wanted to cry. I feel so very blessed to have him in my life, even more so to be able to call him mine.
Today’s one of those days I wish I could just collapse into a pile on the floor and cry until I just can’t anymore.
I feel completely and totally useless. Worthless. I wish I could do more, but there’s nothing more I can do. I hate it.
Well… at least he’s upright now. And he ate dinner. So, we’re making some progress. Woo-Hoo!
Add the snow piled outside on top of illnesses inside, I’m one cranky-ass bitch. Don’t fucking fuck with me today.
I wish I could be more feisty than depressed, but I’m working on it.
Funny thing… I posted this on Facebook last week…
And my ex (who hasn’t seen me in nearly a decade), decides to message me to tell me “you ain’t no firecracker.”
(Dude, if you only knew…)
And then goes on to question why I’m dating such an old man.
First, check yourself dude. It’s none of your fucking business.
Second, he’s settled, knew what he wanted, and went for it, without head games. Basically, everything YOU weren’t.
Third, for the love of God, watch your grammar. It makes my eyes bleed.
Again, it’s been awhile since this kind of post.
The combination of the prednisone and the pain from the pinched nerve has turned Scott from my sweet boyfriend to a cranky, distant grouch. It makes me wanna cry.
To be fair, I’m cranky, due to the hormones raging. My face is an oily mess, and I’m waiting for this period to be over. I told Scott this was going to be a bad one since last month’s was largely ignored, due to the flu. Cosmic Balance. I’m three days in, and still suffering day one cramps. Something’s gotta give. I try not to complain about the pain, because I know it’s nowhere near as bad as the pain Scott suffers from on a daily basis.
I’ve been cranky and distant because of his current attitude. I told him it was because of my period. He just left to run errands and told me to lay down and sleep it off, since I’ve been up since 0330.
I’m just missing my sweet, loving Scott. Can I have him back now?
I’m super excited about this weekend. Scott told me not to get drunk, I told him I’m not worried about getting drunk. I’d be happy to go bowling, as long as I’m out of the house.
Headache’s finally gone, after five days, but now it seems as though Scott and I both have the flu.
I think I’d rather still be dealing with the headache. My chest and throat are burning. My skin is burning where my clothes graze it, apparently from a high fever. It feels like a bad sunburn. I’m coughing up nasty stuffs, and I can barely sleep more than an hour at a time. I’m hoping I start feeling human again soon. Although, today’s not nearly as bad as yesterday. Today, I’m mainly just coughing up the yuckiness.
I feel awful, because now Scott has it, and most likely, I’m the one that gave it to him. I’ve been sleeping on the couch, with the hopes that I wouldn’t pass it too him. Looks like that didn’t work.
I keep meaning to post, but December has prevented it.
Things are shifting… Again. Scott’s choice of words are speaking a different tune as of late. Not in a negative way, per se. It’s his use of plurals and that he’s been using a lot of present continuous wording. The future.
He’s been making it blatantly clear that he’s planning on keeping me around for the rest of his life. 👣👣