Category Archives: spirituality

A Letter to My Momma…

Mom, 

I’m getting married! We have 59 days left to go. It’s been so hard without you here to bounce ideas off of. You’re going to be represented in small, but obvious ways. My dress, OMG my dress. It’s amazing! It’s light and airy, and GREY. Grey, the color that represents lung disease awareness. I didn’t even realize it until my dress was in my arms. 

The flowers were another happy accident. Lilacs, roses, lilies, hydrangeas. All flowers I know you loved. It was almost like you’d been guiding my hand as I picked them out. I’m even using eucalyptus as filler, because the smell relaxes me because you always had a eucalyptus spray sitting on the fireplace when I was growing up. Small things my fiance’s family won’t think twice about, but our side will definitely see it. 

My necklace is doubled-stranded, with two open filigree lockets. One locket has your birthstone, the other has my fiance’s. I attached another locket to dad’s boutoneer with both of your birthstones inside. 

But mom, things are going sideways. My fiance’s family is driving me bat shit insane. His mom claims it’s our wedding, and tells us to do what we want, but then turns around and puts down all of our ideas. Sunday, she even questioned why I want to wear boots. Mom, the wedding is a rustic/country theme. of course I want to wear cowboy boots. It’s part of who I am. 

His brother’s wife is trying to pretend they’re part of the bridal party. She’s trying to have her and her husband match us. It’s annoying, but far from the end of the world. I’ll just make sure the photographer keeps them on the outside of group photos. His mom did, however, ask if I had a preference as to what color she wears. I told her anything but grey or pale pink, as that’s what my MOH and I are wearing. I’m hoping that gets spread through the family. I told my fiancé and added that I hope she realizes white is included in that. He said he hopes so, too. Even he knows you don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding. 

As our wedding day inches nearer, I’m missing you more and more. I’ve ugly cried more than once. You may not be there physically, but I’ll make damn sure you’ll be there spiritually. 


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Expanded Our Family… 

By four little fuzzy feet. 


Meet Phoenix:



He’s simply been a joy to have in our home. He’s a sweet little fuzzbutt. And when he’s hyped up, his little bobtail gets to wagging, causing me to giggle every time. 

We tossed around a few names for him, but Phoenix stuck, mainly for the symbolism. In mythology, a phoenix is a bird that bursts into flames when it’s time to die, and is then reborn from the ashes. 

Yesterday…

…was unexpectedly very spiritual for me.

First, I found a red and gray cardinal down feather on my front porch that hadn’t been there five minutes before. Then, while at the fair, watching monster trucks, I had a cicada land in my hair.

Yes, in.my.hair.

If you remember from this post, cicadas mean a LOT to me.

Between the feather and the cicada, it seems like someone from the spiritual world was trying to contact me. The cardinal usually symbolizes a loved one, and, for me, the cicada has always represented my grandfather.

I’m wishing it was Scott, but I truly just don’t know yet.