Category Archives: STBXH
Last week, this blog hit it’s third birthday. It’s been my outlet through the separation and divorce from XH, the relationship with Scott, his cancer diagnosis, the subsequent breakup, meeting Finn, and has chronicled our entire relationship, from the first meeting, to the engagement and wedding planning, and now our marriage.
A lot can change in three years.
When I first started this blog, it was meant to be an outlet for my thoughts throughout everything I was dealing with. Even if it was never publicly posted, it was still chronicled in private posts that were never meant to be seen by the public eye. I never expected to have one follower, let alone the 180+ I have. Small number, yes, however, none of my followers know me personally.
While friends and family are aware of this blog’s existence, I’ve never given them the web address. No one’s asked for it, as they know it’s my outlet, and respect my right for anonymity online.
I will forever be grateful that this blog helped me rise from the ashes of my last marriage.
Recieved the letter for our final court hearing for the divorce to be finalized…
On Thursday, February 23rd, it’ll be finalized, and I’ll have my life back.
Holy shit, two posts in one day…
The past few weeks, I’ve gone back through and read messages between STBXH and myself since the day I told him I was done. That’s almost two and a half years worth of messages to go through.
Fortunately, I’ve never deleted a single one, so I have them all in my possession no matter what phone or phone number he was using.
I spent the first few months after I left wondering if I was the problem. I caught hell from his friends, received nasty, vile text messages from his friends. He claimed to have been a victim of me. Now, after rereading his texts, and speaking with friends that knew him, I’m most definitely assured that, no, I was his victim.
Lies, deflection, gaslighting, deversion. His texts read like a fucking psychology book on narcissism.
I have almost two and a half year’s worth of proof of narcissistic abuse piled up. And that’s only after I left.
Of course before I left, it was the same shit.
Find messages to other women? My fault, because “if I wasn’t looking, I wouldn’t have found it”. Someone sends me links to his dating site profiles? Somehow my fault.
My eyes are open now. He’s a liar, a cheater, and a narcissist. And I was his victim.
Finn and I deposited the check STBXH sent me Saturday. We were advised to wait until Friday to make sure it cleared, because despite STBXH’s assurance that it will, I’m still skeptical. I know he has a bad history with money. It’s annoying as fuck that he expects me to just take him on his word, when I’ve caught him in so many lies.
At this point, I’m over it. I told Finn the other day that I’ve reached the point of IDGAF.
My thoughts are currently here and there and everywhere else.
Finn and I have been together for over a year and a half now, and we’re both ready to move onto the next step. There’s only one thing stopping us…
I’m still legally married to STBXH. It’s driving me crazy. We’ve been separated for well over two years. My life has been on hold since the day I walked out.
I’ll be 34 in a month and a half. I’m ready for my forever with Finn to officially begin. We’ve already accomplished so much together as a couple. We literally started at rock bottom, and now we’re buying a home together.
I cannot wait for my divorce to be finalized, so Finn and I can begin our forever.
Since my last post, STBXH decided to send me a check for $100 to go towards the divorce. Because of time restraints, I haven’t been able to try to cash it just yet.
I’m really hoping it’s a legit check, and that this truly is the beginning of the end of the divorce so Finn and I can continue with our plans.
I’m beyond pissed at STBXH right now. I called the courthouse to find out why I haven’t been served yet (and to see if I could just pick it up myself), but they have NOTHING on file. Nothing! The only thing they have on file with my name as the respondent us from 2005.
STBXH fucking lied! He’s claimed to have filed not once, but twice! Why in the everloving fuck would he do that?!?!
He’s put my life on hold, Finn’s life on hold, and his own life on hold for some weird legal version of “if I can’t have you, no one else can.”
I’ve confided in a few friends, and they all find it beyond weird. We’ve been separated for over two years, he moved out of fucking state over two years ago. Why the fuck is he still holding on?
I want my life back.
So, STBXH asked for my address so he can file. I asked if he wanted mailing address or physical address (different address needed for different ways of having me served). He wanted the physical address, so I gave that to him thinking he’d have me served by sheriff. Nope. He wants me to be served by certified mail. My physical address doesn’t have mail service. The mail person doesn’t even come into our development.
Part of me is beginning to wonder if he’s purposely trying to sabotage having me served. Three failed attempts, and he can sign a waiver saying he doesn’t know how to have me served, and refile (yet again), and if I don’t see the listing in the paper (that he has to pay for), he’ll be granted the divorce as uncontested.
Bullshit. I’m pissed that a man who thinks he’s so fucking intelligent is so fucking stupid to realize that mail can’t be delivered to an address that, according to USPS, doesn’t fucking exist.
What a fucking idiot.
We’re still trying to organize everything at the new place. It’s been sort of a rough go of things, since we’re combining his and hers (he still had stuff at his parent’s place, and I still had stuff in storage), not to mention all of the housewarming gifts.
Sooo, anyway… We’re in our bedroom working out measurements for how to arrange furniture. Next thing I know, he’s measuring the little alcove we have in the corner of the room. He asks:
F – “Hey, what are the measurements of a crib?”
M – “Hell if I know. Why?”
Then it dawned on me… He’s planning ahead. I’m thinking our recent pregnancy “scare” (his parents have no idea) has kinda opened his eyes. He’s ready. I’ve been ready. We’ve just gotta get our ducks in a row. But one of them fuckers keeps running away (in the form of a divorce).
No babies till my divorce is final.
For Finn’s dad:
No babies till we’re married.
For Finn’s mom:
Just give me the babies.
I ain’t getting any younger.
Sooo… yeah. We’re ALL wanting this divorce to be finalized ASAP. But… Shit happens. First STBXH refused to give me his address, then the courthouse needed more information from me (Finn’s car blew up and I had no transportation to the courthouse), then we were having money issues (dropped our entire savings on the down payment for the truck). Now we’re just waiting on STBXH to file, cause I’m tired of the bullshit about him not wanting to give me his address. Fuck that noise.
So… STBXH, if you’re reading this, can you PLEASE hurry it up? I’ve got things to do.
I can’t believe it’s already been a month since my last post.
It’s been a combination of nothing and everything. Yes I know, oxymoron. Nothing to post, but everything happening.
Finn and I celebrated our one-year anniversary on March 22nd. Unfortunately, he had to work that night, so we had little time to actually celebrate. I made a special dinner for him, and stayed up late to spend some time with him. I know we’re lame.
My thoughts have been all over the place as of late. Finn, Scott, everything else.
For Finn, it’s been “no one has ever loved me as much as he does.” A few weeks ago, we were standing in the kitchen working on dinner, and all of a sudden he looks art me with an expression that can only be described as awe. In that moment I could see his love for me. I’ve never seen that look on anyone’s face while looking at me.
He’s my happy. He’s the reason I made it through 2015 without being admitted to the psych ward. I’d be lost without him, as I still try to heal from STBXH.
For Scott, it’s been “Sometimes it’s easier to believe the lie, than to accept the truth.” He’s broken his promise to me. And that’s one thing I won’t tolerate. When I was still living with him, it was easier for me to believe that he was doing it for my own good, but since I moved out, its been easier to believe that he never loved me. I believe he felt affection for me, and maybe even attraction. But love? Love is a long shot.
There’s also been issues with STBXH, but I’ll save that for another post.