Eighty-Eight Days…

Things are starting to truly come together. 

  1. Invites ✔
  2. Bouquets ✔
  3. Boutoneers ✔
  4. My dress ✔
  5. Decorations ✔
  6. Pastor ✔
  7. Venue ✔
  8. Favors ✔

I still want to get some tulle, sooo we can “drape” it around the pavilion. Guess we’ll see…
Eighty eight days til I get to marry this guy…

Suspicion Confirmed…

Finn’s brother and sister-in-law just stopped by, thinking he was home  (nope, he’s a workaholic, works approximately 53 hours a week). They mentioned they were (finally) looking at wedding rings. They just had to mention that the rings they’re planning on getting are $16k a peice.

SIXTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR A HUNK OF METAL AND ROCKS TO WEAR AROUND YOUR FINGER

I’m seriously dumbfounded hearing this. And then. AND THEN. She speaks up and says it’s too small.

TOO SMALL? A SIXTEEN THOUSAND DOLLAR RING IS TOO SMALL?!?! That’s, at the very least, a 3cttw diamond. Seriously. 

The ring she wants is twenty-six thousand dollars. Holy shit! That’s a house in this area. She’d rather have a ring than a house?!?

As I said in this post, she’s been acting weird whenever my ring, or Finn and I’s wedding is brought up. I thought it was jealousy, but now I’m about 99.999% sure that’s exactly what it is/was. 

They’re (or, at the very least, her) attempting to show us up. I’m hoping (PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD) that this shit is out of their system before Finn and I’s wedding. 

I’m definitely assigning someone to red wine (Gatorade?) duty. 

Random Thought Tuesday 6/27/17


Everything’s coming together now. We’ve secured our officiant, bouquets are done except for final touches. Finn’s wardrobe has been figured out, just not purchased. We’re getting there. 
Slowly, but surely. 

Z wants to be ring security (LMAO), because he’s too big to be the ring bearer. Fair enough. I’m sure we’ll sort all of that out soon enough. 

Z’s helping me out with some of the crafty stuff today. He wants to help so he can be involved, who am I to tell him he can’t?

2017 has proven to be a year of changes. It’s been one helluva wild ride.  Two name changes for me (from married name, to maiden name, to a new married name coming in October), Z starting middle school in all Honors classes, except math which he has an IEP for the gifted program. It’s been a lot to take in. His IQ scores from the school psychologist are all in the 120s. His test scores in math and English are all off the charts (he was two points away from being placed in gifted English as well as math). Kid’s a genius. Literally. He’s nervous, but excited to begin this new journey in his education. 

I’m just trying to take everything one day at a time. 

Wedding Worries

Just over three and a half months to go. We’ve already got the invitations, the flowers and greenery for the bouquets, food being planned, centerpieces planned out, my dress is hanging in the closet. All that in just over a month. It’s moving pretty damn fast. 

WooHoo

But I worry. I worry and stress, because Finn’s planned wardrobe isn’t up to his mom’s  (FMIL) standards. She wants him in a suit. I don’t. It’s not him. 

Another major worry for me is his sister-in-law. His brother and her got married last October, and we unintentionally set our date a week before their anniversary. 

Whoops. 



We chose our date for a multitude of reasons. Major one being 10/7/17 = 10+7=17. Then, there’s a chance my brother could have cancer (seriously, FUCK cancer!), and well, if it hadn’t been for the fact that I was still legally married to XH, we would have been married a year ago. 

Every time our engagement and wedding come up in front of her, she gets this weird facial expression. Like, a combination of sadness and jealousy. I don’t know what to think. They’ve been married nearly a year, and still don’t have rings. As far as I’m aware, she doesn’t even have an engagement ring. I’m sorry, but that’s not our fault. Finn’s brother (her husband) is a cheapskate. Again, not our fault. They got married in their pastor’s back yard, with only Finn’s parents and siblings (minus Finn and I) in attendance. Again, not our fault. If she wanted a real wedding, she should have held her ground. 

Part of me worries that they’ll figure out a way to take the attention off of us, and onto them. Like, they’ll try to turn it into the wedding they didn’t get to have, on our dime. I barely know her, but I wouldn’t put it past him, to be honest. Or, that he’ll encourage her to do it, knowing she’s from a different culture and might not know any better. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve been reading horror stories, maybe it’s because of my previous experience  (XH’s family ruined wedding planning for me), but I’m scared that his family will take over, and completely upstage us at our own wedding. 

Eloping Would Be Easier…

Well… we’ve set a date; October 7th, 2017.


And I’m stressed the fuuuuck out. Finn’s mom originally said we could have it on their property, but that’s changed. We’ve barely started planning, and it’s already turning into something I don’t want. 


His parents say they won’t recognise our marriage unless we’re married by a pastor. They don’t want someone to marry us that got their certification online. This already breaks my heart. I don’t consider myself Christian, so this immediately goes against my beliefs. 


I want to marry Finn ASAP, but it’s already getting to me. They want a Christian ceremony, and already backed out of letting us use their property, and are now saying they’re not sure if their pastor will travel anywhere. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.


It feels like this wedding isn’t going to happen at all, unless it’s on their terms.


I’m lost, and just want my momma.

Family Dysfuntion

Necessary Background:

 

I’m the youngest  of six kids. I’m the product of my mom’s thirdn marriage, my father’s second. I’m the only child they had together. My mom had two sons by her first husband, and two daughters by her second. My father had a son by his first wife. My mom passed away several years ago. My father has since remarried.

 

Got that? Good. Cause it’s about to get even more complicated.

 

My youngest sister (YS) has a few undiagnosed mental issues (Definitely a Cluster B disorder). For as long as I can remember, she has to make everything about herself. She has a victim complex. If she feels like someone else is getting attention she believes she deserves, she’ll pick a fight with her chosen victim (usually me or my dad, her step-father). Due to this, she started a fight with my step-mother, causing my whole family to stop talking  to each other for YEARS. My father didn’t speak to me for almost three years, because he believed YS’s lies. We’ve since repaired the relationship. I’m now back in contact with everyone. Except her.

 

A few years back, my father brought me two boxes of family photos, along with my mother’s urn. The only things she didn’t steal when someone let her in my dad’s house. I didn’t ask for any of it. But when my sister found out, she blew a gasket.

 

Keep in mind, we hadn’t spoken in at least 4 years at that point. I was working on my spine. About two years ago, she re-added me on Facebook, I approved because I’m an idiot, thinking maybe she’d changed. Nope. Within a week, she was harassing me about “when we could go through the pictures,” I gave her times and dates of when I’d be available, but none of them were ever good enough. I eventually just went through the pictures and dropped the ones she specifically mentioned to her husband.

 

Ohhhh, no. That still wasn’t good enough. She wanted me to drop what I was doing and go to her house to show them to her. (Side step for a minute: My sister is the very embodiment of the ‘Crazy Cat Lady’. She has several cats that refuse to use the litter box, so her whole house has essentially become a litter box. On top of that, she’s also a boarder-line hoarder. It was God-awful the last time I was there in 2009, and I’m told it’s only gotten worse in the past almost eight years. So, how about no? I have zero desire to step foot into that bio-hazard.) After a day or two, she went quite on the subject. So I had assumed it was over.

 

I did mention I’m an idiot, didn’t I?

 

Things were quiet, for almost a year and a half (I’ll tell the Thanksgiving story in another post. Maybe), until I announced my engagement to my fiance last week.

 

I really, really should have seen it coming. (Told you, I’m an idiot.)

 

She started in on it within hours of finding out. Texting Older Sister (OS). Trying to find information on my dad. OS swears she gray-rocked her. But someone gave YS my dad’s phone number. And she harassed him while he was at work. I was shown the texts, and while they look innocent enough to an outsider, they were full of a Narc’s attempt at hoovering. My dad didn’t fall for it (Smart man.), and when that didn’t work, she took it to Facebook. Where I ignored it. Even when she commented directly on my posts.

 

I FINALLY grey-rocked the hell outta her. Even when she commented on a post someone else posted on my page. The only reaction that got out of me was to delete it, because it brought my son into it (that’s another issue entirely. His father is alienating me. Changes his number at least every other month, and doesn’t tell my son, so it looks like I’m not trying to contact him. It’s heartbreaking. And her comment pretty much ruined my mother’s day.) Immediately after she posted it, she blocked me. I guess she thought I wouldn’t be able to see it? Or wouldn’t be able to delete the comment, since it wasn’t on my original post? Either way, I was able to do both.

 

I have also blocked all of her known accounts (Up to 5 now. WTF??), just in case she decides to unblock me to start more shit.

 

 

 

Overwhelmed is an Understatement… 

I had a meeting with the school district’s Eligibility Committee this morning, and Z officially has his Individual Education Plan (IEP) for being gifted. 

Since we’re at the tail end of the school year (three weeks to go!), it’ll come into effect when he starts middle school at the end of August. 

But, holy crap, it’s been one helluva year, and we’re not even halfway through it yet. 

  • Z’s surgery
  • My divorce
  • Z being placed in all honors classes next year
  • Our engagement 
  • Z being vetted as gifted. 

We can only hope this year continues on this path. 

So… Um… Time to plan a wedding… 

So… Yeah… Finn and I are officially engaged, and my head is spinning. 

One thing we agree on (thank goodness!!!), is that we want a small wedding. Twenty people or less. 


Off to Pinterest…

Been Feeling Emotional… 

Sooo… Finn got a phone call from his mom yesterday, and I’m about thisclose to just giving up. 

  • Guilt trips for visiting my father more than them. 
  • “Why aren’t y’all married yet?”
  • “Don’t get married unless you’re sure.”
  • “She’s been divorced. Twice.”
  • “Our family doesn’t believe in divorce.”

Phone calls with her never fail to send me on an emotional roller coaster. 

My self esteem and self worth have tanked in recent months, and Finn’s reasons for us not being married/officially engaged yet feel more like excuses than genuine concerns. I’m questioning things. Not whether or not he loves me, that much is evident in his words and actions, but whether or not I’m worth it in his eyes. 

I have two divorces under my belt. With both, I was the instigator. I don’t give up easily. It takes a lot to get me to the point that I’m just done. I tried to make both marriages work. I tried so hard. But when you’re being lied to, stolen from, cheated on, and mentally abused, it takes it’s toll on you. 

And to make matters even worse on myself, I can’t stop myself from putting my foot in my mouth, picking on Finn about getting married. It just flies out. I’m trying not to do it. I just keep telling myself it’s never going to happen. Cause, honestly, at this point I just don’t see it. 

I.just.don’t.see.it. 

That’s not going to stop be from being the best girlfriend I can be for him, but marriage? I just don’t see it in the cards for us. And that’s depressing. 

Two Years… 

Finn and I celebrated our two year anniversary yesterday. It was amazing! While we don’t generally do the gift giving thing, we did yesterday. I got him a cute card and a box of chocolates. He got me a Pikachu portable phone charger and a giant Hershey’s Special Dark bar. He knows me so well. 

It was mostly a quiet, relaxing day until Z got home from school. We really just lazed around.