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Wedding Drama…

After the ceremony, we were all standing on the church’s porch. I was hoping to get a few pictures since Finn’s parents weren’t going to make it to the reception (his mom recently had abdominal surgery, and couldn’t handle the steps). After a few minutes, I’d walked back into the church to see where they were. As I was walking in the front door, his mom was walking out the side door. So, I went back outside and around the side of the church. By the time I’d gotten to their vehicle, she was already in the process of putting her seatbelt on. 


The drama didn’t appear until the day after. MIL is upset because no one got any pictures of her. By the time she’d questioned me about it, only two sets of pictures had been posted. One set was from my cousin, who was downstairs with me when MIL and FIL walked in. The other set had been sent to me by Finn’s sister, her daughter. 

There are no pictures of Finn’s parents from the wedding, and I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I’m feeling supremely guilty because of it, but on the other hand, I had zero control over it. No one had warned our friend who was taking pictures that they were starting, so the camera wasn’t booted up before they sat down. He didn’t even get a picture of Finn walking with the pastor. 

I refuse to take full blame for this. I was the bride, Finn was the groom, so we were otherwise busy at that point. I wasn’t even upstairs. 

As of now, it appears that MIL is protesting by not commenting/liking/reacting in ANY WAY to any of the posts or pictures posted on Facebook. Even before she noticed there hadn’t been any pictures of her posted. 

And, honestly, it makes me feel like absolute shit. She’s commenting/liking/reacting to pictures her other DIL has posted from the wedding (none of us, of course, just selfies of them).

So, now, our wedding day has this dark cloud over it, and after everything else she’s said and done, I feel like an unwanted addition to their family. And it breaks my heart. 

In addition to the picture fiasco, I was told that Finn’s grandmother commented on my recent weight loss. Now, it wasn’t a crash diet or anything like that. It wasn’t even intentional at all. I stopped drinking soda. I haven’t had more than a sip since April. Going from drinking 5-6 sodas a day to none, I dropped nearly 1,000 calories a day. It didn’t even occur to me that I should have compensated for the sudden drop. Whoops. However, the only place I lost weight was in my abdomin, so other than losing inches in my waist, my measurements are the same. My hourglass figure is back. 

When he told me what had been said, my heart dropped. I was finally, finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin again. He told her that I’d stopped drinking soda. It was also abundantly clear that it’s in my genes. She was surrounded by my family, and not one of us is “big.” We’re all thin. It’s in our blood. It pisses me off when bigger people think that everyone is supposed to be big. As if thinness is somehow an illness. I’m still well within a healthy BMI for my height, and that should be all that matters. My weight should be between me, my doctor, and my husband. 

I still can’t believe I was skinny shamed on my wedding day. 


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Married ❤

 Finally getting around to posting this, since Finn goes back to work today. 

Saturday was an amazing, but crazy day. I woke up a little before 0400,and there was NO WAY I was getting back too sleep. I was too excited and nervous. So, I ended up making my Mom’s goulash recipe for the reception. 

There were a few hiccups along the way, but no one else saw or noticed. Finn and I had to backtrack because we forgot something at the house, my dad showed up two hours early while I was getting my hair done (which turned out better than I ever would have expected), and a few other very minor things that none of our guests noticed. 

In true Tamma fashion, I tripped over my dress as I was walking down the aisle. I joked at the reception that it wouldn’t really be our wedding if that hadn’t happened. I cried through my vows. In pictures, it looks like Finn was on the verge. 


Silence…

At least for now. 

No phone calls.

No texts. 

No Facebook messages. 

Finn’s brother and sister-in-law both either deleted or deactivated their Facebook profiles. 

But I’m not allowing myself to get comfortable. They tend to ambush me when I’m most vulnerable. They’ll probably attempt contact Friday, wanting details. If that’s the case, since Finn will be home, he’ll be wrangling them. 

Another possibility is that they decide to just show up at the park. No matter what happens, we’ll be prepared. 

Two more days. 

Game Plan & Finalizing Details

I talked to my dad yesterday, and knocked out the plan for Saturday. He’s going to meet us here at the house, and follow us to the park to help set up. He also broke the news that his wife may not make it to the wedding. Is it bad that I actually did a happy dance when he informed me?

Talking to my aunt and uncle, they’re going to meet up with us at the park, and follow us to the church, so my aunt can help me get ready. My cousin will also be there to help set up the pavilion. 

Including Z, there will be 9 people at the pavilion to help set up. I’m really, really hoping it doesn’t become a “to many chiefs, not enough indians” situation. 

Finn’s comment was: “You’re coordinating for the most part because I know you got a plan in your head.”

So, yeah. He firmly backs me on this. 

Meanwhile… meanwhile, his brother and sister-in-law still insist on “helping.” I don’t want or need their help. I want the reception set-up to be my family. I’ve told them their help isn’t necessary, but they refuse to take NO for an answer. 

Everyone I’ve spoken to thinks it’s weird. So, for now, Finn and I have agreed to use Bride Brain as as excuse to “forget” to give them information about the game plan. I don’t need more stress added to my shoulders on my wedding day. 

Andplusalso, future sister-in-law told me when they dropped by for an unexpected visit Sunday (that really pissed me the fuck off, I hate unannounced visitors), that she went out and bought boots. 

I’m a bad person, because I’m hoping another guest calls her on her shit. As I told Finn, she’s the one that’s going to look like a fool, because no one will believe the bride or bridesmaid copied off of a guest. 😂😂 

Oh, but wait… there’s more! (Non wedding related)

Apparently Finn’s brother tried to me in a post with a quilt he wants me to make him. 

Ummm… what?

Yes, I’m crafty. Yes, I’m good at what I do. 

I told him “I can’t sew, well, I can, but I don’t have a sewing machine.”

He then replies “Guess we need to buy you one, then.”

All. My. Fucking. Whats.

Yes, I LOVE my craft work, but I do it for me. If I want to give a gift, that’s one thing, but I DO NOT take demands. 

Fuck. That. Noise. 

Six Days Out…

I asked my Aunt yesterday to help us set up the pavilion pre-ceremony, as well as to help me get ready at the church. It means A LOT to me, since she’s the closest, biologically, to my mother. If my Mom can’t be there to zip me into my dress, my Aunt is the next best. I know it meant a lot to her that I asked. 

I told Finn this, in front of his brother (the one who guilted him into naming him best man, but that’s a whole other can of WTF), who was there to pick him up for his bachelor party. After that conversation, the following happened. 

BM = brother/best man 

F = Finn 

M = Me

BM – I’m not going to be able to help set-up for the reception. I have to work the night before. 

M – That’s ok, my Aunt and Uncle said they’d help. 

BM – FBIL and FSIL (the ones I’ve posted about. Repetitively) are going to help decorate. 

M – No, that’s ok. Aunt and Uncle will be there. 

F – (says something I forget)

BM – FBIL and FSIL WILL help. 

… silence …

First of all, I FUCKING HATE to be told how things are going to happen. 

Second of all neither Finn nor I do well with demands, and that’s exactly what it felt like. 

Third of all, we haven’t asked them for their input on ANYTHING. Absolutely nothing at all. In fact, I’ve avoided giving FSIL any details. 

Fourth of all (seriously?), No. Just… No. His family have done all they can to take over the ceremony. The reception is MY baby. It’s my blood (no, literally, I cut myself a couple of times), sweat, and tears that went into planning out the decorations, and then making them WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS. I will most definitely lose my shit if someone ruins any of my hard work. 

So, yeah. I’m fucking irritated. They’ve done everything they can to take over this wedding, and I’m at my wits end with the whole lot of them. 

Finn’s not to happy with them at this point, either. BM said he was planning on leaving the reception after his speech, told us that their mom probably won’t come to the reception (that one I 100% understand, as she just had surgery), and that the rest of the family probably won’t, either. Finn said that if they don’t come, he won’t speak to any of them for a year. 

Six more days of this shit, and I’m done. 

Random Thoughts Tuesday 9/19

We’re 18 days away from the wedding at this point, and for the most part, all of my stress has melted away. 

For the most part…

Finn’s mom called me yesterday, and it was a doozy. There’s some background before I get into the conversation. 

((Finn was adopted at around 7 months old, and his biological sister was adopted to the same parents at birth, when Finn was 13 months old. I’ve never met their biological mother, and I have no desire to. I’ve heard horror stories about how bad things were for Finn before he came to be in his adoptive parent’s care. It’s not my story to tell, but I will say that his bio mother dropped him off to be babysat, and then just never returned.))

As I said, I’ve never met his bio mother, and I have zero desire to. It came out months ago (before our engagment was official, let alone announced), that his bio mom had contacted his adoptive mom, trying to get information about me, and our relationship  (even to an outsider ((he has his bio mom as a Facebook friend)), it was obvious that our relationship was headed towards an engagement and wedding, apparently). Even so far as to hinting for an invitation to our wedding (which, again, at that point I hadn’t even received an invitation to). Have I mentioned I have zero desire to meet this woman??? Yea-NO. No invite for bio mother. No brainer decision, on both of our parts. 

Ok, onto yesterday’s phone call…

His mom called, and said she had a question for me, all while acting extremely nervous, which got my anxiety going. 

I’ll be “T” for Tamma, and she’ll be “M” for mom:

M: I wanted to verify that ((Finn’s bio mother)) won’t be at the wedding. 

T: Definitely not.

M: Because me and ((Finn’s sister)) will walk out if she shows up. 

T: I’ve never met her, I have no desire to meet her. If she wanted to be a part of Finn’s life, she should have thought about that before she gave him away. 

Plus, she has no clue where the ceremony even is. 

M: Are you sure? Because you’ve been posting about it a lot. 

T: I’m positive. I’ve been extremely careful, because I have mutual friends with ((PsychoSister)), and I don’t want anyone to be able to pass along information to her. 

She finally got it after I said that. She knows what I’ve dealt with from PsychoSister, and how much anxiety the thought of her showing up causes me. 

She then went on to ask if I’m nervous. 

Nope. The only thing that changes is the legality. But, she still swears I am/will be nervous. What’s there to be nervous over? Saying “I do”? Nah. We’ve known since very early on that this was it. We started talking about marriage within the first month of dating. No nerves involved at all. 

Words…

I just scrolled through my recent posts, and apparently, Finn’s and my upcoming wedding have completely taken over this blog. 

That shouldn’t be surprising, considering that it’s currently the biggest thing going on in my life, right?

We have twenty-three days left, so we’re at crunch time. My brain is completely scattered, bouncing around about twenty things at once (gotta love an artist’s mind). Bouquets, centerpieces, hair, make-up, corsages, boutoneers, flowers, dresses, stress, families, drama, pain, possibility of rain, hurricane season (why????), Finn, weight loss (again, why??? It’s a good thing I didn’t get a strapless dress)

I don’t really talk to anyone but Finn about what’s going on, just say there’s some family drama going on in the background. I’m pissed that I even have to consider the possibility that someone will either intentionally or unintentionally screw up our day or upstage us. 

I know drama surrounds literally ALL weddings in some capacity or another:

  1. In-laws not getting along with the bride/groom 
  2. In-laws not getting along with each other 
  3. Drama within one or both families 
  4. Jealous friends/relatives
  5. Someone mad they weren’t asked to be part of the bridal party 
  6. Competitive siblings 

On top of all that, I’m a planner that suffers from an anxiety disorder, so of course, my super-creative (yay, an artist’s mind) mind comes up with crazy (though possible) scenarios that could absolutely ruin our wedding day:

  1. OS leaking information to PsychoSister about date/times/locations. 
  2. One, or both of them, showing up.
  3. PsychoSister showing up at the pavilion we rented, and destroying it before the reception starts. 
  4. PsychoSister showing up during the ceremony, and ruining it. 

In short, PsychoSister is a bitch, and I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her. I’ve been told that she only leaves the house for doctors appointments, but I have zero clue if that’s correct information, as I’ve also been told that when someone tries to make plans with her, they’re “going out of town.”

So, honestly, anything is possible at this point. I have zero doubt that if she thinks she can ruin my happiness, she’ll attempt it. It’s her go-to. 

Motivation: Gone

After yesterday’s fiasco, I’ve lost all motivation I still had for any and all wedding craftiness. Which puts me in a bad spot, since I currently DO NOT HAVE A BOUQUET. I dismantled it last night. 

We went out to the store last night, and surprise! they aren’t carrying any of the flowers I had originally purchased for the bouquets anymore. They were seasonal. Fuck me. 

So, we run to another store to see if they have any. They do, but… It’s the same price I originally paid for a bush of 6 flowers for a SINGLE STEM. I ain’t even gonna lie, I broke down and cried, right there in the silk flowers department. I was devastated. I ended up getting a a bush of pink roses, a bush of white roses, a single tiger lily, and two white dahlias. It’s not the same, but it could be a whole lot worse. 

Why did I have to dismantle my original bouquet?

Well… that answer is twofold:

  1. The store last night didn’t have blue hydrangeas, and I had a few extras at home. 
  2. The flowers we purchased last night are a MUCH better quality. My MOH, Finn, and myself are all in a agreement that I, as the bride, deserve the higher quality flowers.

I got fussed at by both of them for calling myself a bridezilla for saying that. That did make me feel a bit better. 

So, now I sit here, with no bouquet, and no motivation to redo it…

I Need to Get This Out…

Or I’ll fucking scream. 

Just when I think it’s smooth sailing, and I’ve got all the wedding stuff either done or under control, Finn’s mom throws a wench in the process. 

We’re thirty-three days out, and now all of a sudden, we’re asked if Finn’s niece is in the wedding. 

Excuse me. What?

I hand Finn my phone so he can reply to his mom’s text. And it becomes ‘we didn’t ask her because we didn’t think she’d be interested.’ 

Now, I wasn’t planning on having any child attendants. And if I’d asked anyone to be my flower girl, it would have been my three year old niece, not Finn’s 11 year old niece. I gave up, and said she can be a junior bridesmaid, since she’s too old to be a flower girl. 

I go from having all the floral arrangements done, to needing to go get more silk flowers to make more. 

I’m so fucking upset by this. We originally didn’t want any family to be in the wedding, but that got shot out the goddamned window. 

I’m fucking outnumbered, and it’s no longer my wedding…

It’s theirs. 

Drained…

With 37 days left till the wedding, I’m drained. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. I’ve lost all motivation. I can barely keep my eyes open, and I’ve had daily headaches. 

We still need to figure out guest book and cake topper (Finn wants traditional, and we haven’t been able to find one in stores). 

For the most part, the crafty stuff is done, but there are still a few things left that I want to do. Bouquets and boutoneers have been done for a month or more. Same with the centerpiece elements, to be fully assembled day of. My crochet shawl is nearly complete, but I haven’t picked it up in nearly three weeks. I still have a pack of burlap flags I want to do something with, but there’s only so much you can do with 6 pieces. On the other, I hand-painted ‘Mr & Mrs’. Our last name is too long (9 letters!), and ‘Forever’ seems too hokey. 

I’m a serious planner (seriously, I plan outfits for events weeks in advance), and the lack of motivation is driving me fucking bonkers. I’m hoping to dive in today. But my biggest issue is that I don’t want to do crafty stuff while Finn is home, and since Z started middle school, I don’t have much time between Finn leaving for work, and Z getting home, and our evening activities starting up. By the time Z goes to bed, I’m too drained. 

Excuses, excuses, I know. 

Finn and I are doing swimmingly, otherwise. His family have been incredibly supportive with the shit show that has become my sisters.