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Wedding Drama…

After the ceremony, we were all standing on the church’s porch. I was hoping to get a few pictures since Finn’s parents weren’t going to make it to the reception (his mom recently had abdominal surgery, and couldn’t handle the steps). After a few minutes, I’d walked back into the church to see where they were. As I was walking in the front door, his mom was walking out the side door. So, I went back outside and around the side of the church. By the time I’d gotten to their vehicle, she was already in the process of putting her seatbelt on. 


The drama didn’t appear until the day after. MIL is upset because no one got any pictures of her. By the time she’d questioned me about it, only two sets of pictures had been posted. One set was from my cousin, who was downstairs with me when MIL and FIL walked in. The other set had been sent to me by Finn’s sister, her daughter. 

There are no pictures of Finn’s parents from the wedding, and I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I’m feeling supremely guilty because of it, but on the other hand, I had zero control over it. No one had warned our friend who was taking pictures that they were starting, so the camera wasn’t booted up before they sat down. He didn’t even get a picture of Finn walking with the pastor. 

I refuse to take full blame for this. I was the bride, Finn was the groom, so we were otherwise busy at that point. I wasn’t even upstairs. 

As of now, it appears that MIL is protesting by not commenting/liking/reacting in ANY WAY to any of the posts or pictures posted on Facebook. Even before she noticed there hadn’t been any pictures of her posted. 

And, honestly, it makes me feel like absolute shit. She’s commenting/liking/reacting to pictures her other DIL has posted from the wedding (none of us, of course, just selfies of them).

So, now, our wedding day has this dark cloud over it, and after everything else she’s said and done, I feel like an unwanted addition to their family. And it breaks my heart. 

In addition to the picture fiasco, I was told that Finn’s grandmother commented on my recent weight loss. Now, it wasn’t a crash diet or anything like that. It wasn’t even intentional at all. I stopped drinking soda. I haven’t had more than a sip since April. Going from drinking 5-6 sodas a day to none, I dropped nearly 1,000 calories a day. It didn’t even occur to me that I should have compensated for the sudden drop. Whoops. However, the only place I lost weight was in my abdomin, so other than losing inches in my waist, my measurements are the same. My hourglass figure is back. 

When he told me what had been said, my heart dropped. I was finally, finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin again. He told her that I’d stopped drinking soda. It was also abundantly clear that it’s in my genes. She was surrounded by my family, and not one of us is “big.” We’re all thin. It’s in our blood. It pisses me off when bigger people think that everyone is supposed to be big. As if thinness is somehow an illness. I’m still well within a healthy BMI for my height, and that should be all that matters. My weight should be between me, my doctor, and my husband. 

I still can’t believe I was skinny shamed on my wedding day. 


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Self Esteem… Rising

I stopped drinking soda just over three months ago. April 18th, to be specific. It started out because the carbonation was painful for my abscessed tooth. Now, I have quite a few body modifications (14, to be exact. No, I won’t tell you where/what.), and have given birth twice (one natural, unmedicated, one emergency c-section), and the none of that came anywhere close to the abscessed tooth. I seriously thought I was dying. I’m not being overdramatic, i refused to go to sleep the night before I went into the emergency room, because I didn’t think I would wake up. 

Anyway, because of the pain, I only drank soda to get those horse pills down, because it wasn’t happening any other way. That eventually led to me just losing the taste for it. I had half a case sitting in the kitchen that we’d bought in March, until I was able to pawn it off on someone earlier this month. 

Since April, when I stopped drinking it, I’ve lost 2.5 inches in my waist. Any weight loss has been minimal, since the rest of my measurements remain the same. I simply just lost the bloat caused by consuming so much carbonation. 

I caught a glance at my figure in the full length mirror this morning, and was amazed. I have my flat stomach back. I have my ‘V’ back, I have my abs back. 

Since I’m already thin and only lost my belly, my boobs, hips, and thighs look bigger. Damnit, I look fucking AMAZING. And I love it. 

No more soda for me again. Ever. This body makes it worth it. 

Health Concerns…

I went to my doctor yesterday for my routine annual check-up…

Yeah…  Routine.

I was talking to the nurse about some of the issues I’ve been having (nausea, headaches, going back and forth between hot and cold flashes, among a few other things). When my doctor came in the room, she followed up asking about other symptoms. Some of the ones she asked about were symptoms I’ve been having, but never put much thought into (cold hands and feet, heart palpitations). Apparently, my answers were enough that she began to suspect an issue with my thyroid.

I go in Monday to have at least five vials of blood drawn. I hope they let Finn come back with me. I hate needles.

They also found leukocytes in my urine, with no other signs of infection. Fun.