I’m getting married! We have 59 days left to go. It’s been so hard without you here to bounce ideas off of. You’re going to be represented in small, but obvious ways. My dress, OMG my dress. It’s amazing! It’s light and airy, and GREY. Grey, the color that represents lung disease awareness. I didn’t even realize it until my dress was in my arms.
The flowers were another happy accident. Lilacs, roses, lilies, hydrangeas. All flowers I know you loved. It was almost like you’d been guiding my hand as I picked them out. I’m even using eucalyptus as filler, because the smell relaxes me because you always had a eucalyptus spray sitting on the fireplace when I was growing up. Small things my fiance’s family won’t think twice about, but our side will definitely see it.
My necklace is doubled-stranded, with two open filigree lockets. One locket has your birthstone, the other has my fiance’s. I attached another locket to dad’s boutoneer with both of your birthstones inside.
But mom, things are going sideways. My fiance’s family is driving me bat shit insane. His mom claims it’s our wedding, and tells us to do what we want, but then turns around and puts down all of our ideas. Sunday, she even questioned why I want to wear boots. Mom, the wedding is a rustic/country theme. of course I want to wear cowboy boots. It’s part of who I am.
His brother’s wife is trying to pretend they’re part of the bridal party. She’s trying to have her and her husband match us. It’s annoying, but far from the end of the world. I’ll just make sure the photographer keeps them on the outside of group photos. His mom did, however, ask if I had a preference as to what color she wears. I told her anything but grey or pale pink, as that’s what my MOH and I are wearing. I’m hoping that gets spread through the family. I told my fiancé and added that I hope she realizes white is included in that. He said he hopes so, too. Even he knows you don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding.
As our wedding day inches nearer, I’m missing you more and more. I’ve ugly cried more than once. You may not be there physically, but I’ll make damn sure you’ll be there spiritually.
I’ll be so fucking happy once this wedding is done.
Finn’s family is driving me bat shit crazy. If it’s not FSIL trying to get too involved, it’s FMIL complaining about one thing or another. If it’s not FMIL shitting on all of our ideas, it’s Finn’s brother complaining about having to wear a boutoneer.
After him and his mom guilted Finn into naming him as best man. Seriously? He’s complaining about the requested attire for a role he guilted Finn into giving him. That’s LITERALLY the number one job of everyone in the bridal party. SHOW UP WEARING THE REQUESTED ATTIRE. Don’t fucking complain about it. Damn.
FSIL has gone radio silent after our conversation about what she wants to wear. It’s beyond hope. No one’s going to talk to her about how inappropriate it is to intentionally match the bridal party. Either no one understands, or they don’t care.
My vote goes for the latter.
I posted a simple question on Facebook to see if anyone else was of my sister’s opinion, that it’s inappropriate to ask ceremony guests not to post pictures until after our arrival at the reception.
Most agreed with me, that it’s not too much to ask.
FMIL’s opinion however…
Look I am going to take pictures I don’t care what Finn says and if u guys have a problem with that I just won’t come
That was followed up by a phone call from her asking why not everyone will be invited to the ceremony. I tried to explain that both Finn and I suffer from social anxiety, and wanted to keep the ceremony private and intimate, but still wanted to share at least part of the day with our friends.
Ugh… NOW she’s complaining that the reception will be too big, and we won’t have enough food for everyone.
There’s no winning with this family.
I did the math after the phone call. Not including children, the ceremony will have 24 guests (including wedding party), and the reception will have 36 guests. Including all children, our guest list count jumps to 53 people. And that’s IF (huge, major, IF) everyone invited shows up. Which I highly doubt they will.
Still, not a big wedding, despite what she says. That’s smaller than most of the family get togethers my parents hosted when I was growing up.
Next up: FMIL wants granddaughters soon. Granddaughters, not grandsons. She wants me to have twin girls. Oh, but wait six months after going off birth control, because that’s how long it takes to get out of your system.
Ummm. No. It takes 2-3 days. That’s what your period is when you’re on birth control. Withdrawal bleed. It may take awhile for your body to figure out WTF it’s doing, but the hormones are out of your system within days.
I’ve been off my BCPs since May, and have had two normal cycles since (I chart). My last period even indicated that my body has figured out what it’s supposed to be doing.
This wedding is becoming a freaking circus. I thought it was Finn’s family I had to worry about.
Yeah… about that…
My oldest sister and I were chatting on Snapchat, when our other sister came up in conversation…
As you can tell, I feel very strongly about the other sister NOT getting an invitation to the wedding. But I have a sneaking suspicion that someone will leak her the information, and she’ll end up crashing the wedding.
On top of that fiasco, I told oldest sis that while we don’t mind guests taking pictures of the ceremony, we don’t want them posted on social media until after we’ve made our entrance at the reception.
She questioned me about it. I explained to her that it’s a private ceremony for family only, friends are being invited to the reception only, and we’d like to surprise our reception guests. She didn’t comprehend it. At all. Then implied that it was disrespectful to ask that of our guests.
What. The. Actual. Fuck?!?!
It’s disrespectful of us to ask that a private moment not be blasted on social media, but not disrespectful for guests not to follow our wishes?
She threw a tantrum, and said “well, I just won’t bring my phone then.” As though it’s SUCH an inconvenience to wait an hour to post pictures on Instagram. Seriously?
Then, she drops this bomb:
“I don’t want anyone taking pictures of me.”
Ok, seriously? YOU want to post pictures of one of the most important moments of my life immediately, and when I ask you not to it’s disrespectful? But if you end up in the background of picture, you don’t want it on social media? How the fuck does that make any sense???
What a fucking weekend…
Plans canceled last minute, a surprise visit from my uncle, a random friend request from my XH…
I’d had plans with my father to take Z top an annual event I hadn’t been too since 2001. We’ve had these plans since March. To the point of rearranging Z’s visitation with his father so we could make it to said event…
He canceled last minute. And since Finn had to work, Z and I had no other way to make it there. Only to find out when I called my dad to let him know my uncle was pulling into my neighborhood he went to said event without me or Z. I was heartbroken. I haven’t let Z know.
The reason for my uncle’s visit? He left his wife. Some shit has been going on behind the scenes. The biggest one is that a paternity test proved that his 13 year old daughter isn’t his. On top of that, his wife of 20 years caused him too lose his SSI, takes their car to haul their neighbours to and from the store and appointments, causing him to miss his own appointments. Doctors, therapists, psychologists. We have a trifecta of abuse: medical neglect, emotional abuse, AND psychological abuse. My uncle is diagnosed bipolar, and she’s preventing him from getting his necessary medications for it.
While my uncle was here, I get a phone call from FMIL (future mother-in-law, Finn’s mom) to cancel the cookout we’d been invited to yesterday.
Why? Because they suddenly had to tear up their carpet to install hardwood floors. There wouldn’t be enough room for everyone. Oh, but of course, they wanted Finn there to help.
I. Lost. It. It felt as though Z and I were unwanted and unwelcome. As I’ve told Finn, little things add up. They constantly cancel last minute, or refuse to come to any event we have at our place.
Finn didn’t go yesterday. He tried calling both his mom & dad, but neither answered. He didn’t leave a message for either.
I had an emotional breakdown yesterday. After Saturday’s events, I told Finn I was feeling unwanted and rejected by both sets of parents. I was already emotionally on edge, so it caused an argument. He said I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. I told him little things add up.
I was trying to calm myself, so I started playing with my hair. When I looked in the mirror, I saw my mom’s face. I look just like my mom. I’ve already been missing her and thinking of her daily, so add in the extra emotional stuff from Saturday, plus the anniversary of her passing coming up quick, and it was just a disaster waiting to happen.
Well… I woke up in a good mood this morning, but that quickly went to absolute shit.
First, I get guilt trips for visiting my aunt that I haven’t seen in three years, because I didn’t let anyone know I would be there. I didn’t even know I was going to be there until five minutes before my dad pulled into her driveway.
Second, I started a private group on Facebook so MOH and I could organise my bachelorette spa day. I posted yesterday asking when would be a good day for everyone. Not one single person had replied. It had been seen by both Finn’s mom and SIL, but neither replied.
I thought they wanted to be involved?
Oh wait, that’s right, they only want to be involved when my family isn’t.
I’m done. So. Fucking. Done.
The only thing I can remotely come up with is that it’s a jealousy thing.I told her when we first got engaged that I wanted a girl’s day with her and Finn’s sister. I guess she’s upset I’m trying to include both sides. It’s all well and good when it’s just her family, but she doesn’t want to be involved when my family is included.
I’ll give it a couple weeks, and if no one responds, cancel it due to “lack of interest”
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find a rock to curl up under so I can cry my eyes out in peace.
While we were out shopping for wedding supplies Saturday, Finn’s mom called to ask about our plans. He told her that we were waiting to finalize the venue before we dove too far into the decorations. Fair enough.
She goes on to say that SIL wants to help with the decorations.
This makes me feel even more suspicious. It feels like she wants to live vicariously through me, since she never had an actual wedding and reception.
I rolled my eyes sooo hard when Finn told me. He gets it. Our tastes are vastly different. She wants a $26k ring vs my less-than-$100 moissanite bridal set.
We’ve been told no less than four times that she wants to help, and I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want her anywhere near the crafty end of the decorations. I’ve put a lot of thought into what I want, and being naturally crafty, I don’t trust anyone else to do it to my standards.
Yes, I realize that makes me sound like a bitch and a bridezilla, but it’s the truth. I take a lot of pride in my craft work. It’s kind of my gig. I have been paid for my creations. Once upon a time, I had two active online shops. So yeah, it’s safe to say that I’m good at what I do.
So, onto yesterday…
I fucked up. SIL caught me in a moment of weakness (dealing with some pain from a splinter IN MY ASS. Seriously, it hurts to sit on any surface that’s not heavily cushioned. You have my permission to laugh), and I gave her the link to my Pinterest wedding board.
She’s running with it. And for some weird ass reason I’ve yet to figure out, she’s pushing bamboo cutlery. Like, fuck, let me breathe. Finn and I are paying for this whole gig out of our own pockets.
No Pay, No Say.
Suggestions are all well and good, but in the end, Finn and I have final say. I don’t want this wedding to become a three ring circus. My last wedding, the in-laws took over, and it ended up being almost completely the opposite of what I wanted.
Fuck, just let us have the wedding we want. Damn.
Still looking for volunteers for ‘red wine duty.’
Finn’s brother and sister-in-law just stopped by, thinking he was home (nope, he’s a workaholic, works approximately 53 hours a week). They mentioned they were (finally) looking at wedding rings. They just had to mention that the rings they’re planning on getting are $16k a peice.
SIXTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR A HUNK OF METAL AND ROCKS TO WEAR AROUND YOUR FINGER
I’m seriously dumbfounded hearing this. And then. AND THEN. She speaks up and says it’s too small.
TOO SMALL? A SIXTEEN THOUSAND DOLLAR RING IS TOO SMALL?!?! That’s, at the very least, a 3cttw diamond. Seriously.
The ring she wants is twenty-six thousand dollars. Holy shit! That’s a house in this area. She’d rather have a ring than a house?!?
As I said in this post, she’s been acting weird whenever my ring, or Finn and I’s wedding is brought up. I thought it was jealousy, but now I’m about 99.999% sure that’s exactly what it is/was.
They’re (or, at the very least, her) attempting to show us up. I’m hoping (PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD) that this shit is out of their system before Finn and I’s wedding.
I’m definitely assigning someone to red wine (Gatorade?) duty.
Just over three and a half months to go. We’ve already got the invitations, the flowers and greenery for the bouquets, food being planned, centerpieces planned out, my dress is hanging in the closet. All that in just over a month. It’s moving pretty damn fast.
But I worry. I worry and stress, because Finn’s planned wardrobe isn’t up to his mom’s (FMIL) standards. She wants him in a suit. I don’t. It’s not him.
Another major worry for me is his sister-in-law. His brother and her got married last October, and we unintentionally set our date a week before their anniversary.
We chose our date for a multitude of reasons. Major one being 10/7/17 = 10+7=17. Then, there’s a chance my brother could have cancer (seriously, FUCK cancer!), and well, if it hadn’t been for the fact that I was still legally married to XH, we would have been married a year ago.
Every time our engagement and wedding come up in front of her, she gets this weird facial expression. Like, a combination of sadness and jealousy. I don’t know what to think. They’ve been married nearly a year, and still don’t have rings. As far as I’m aware, she doesn’t even have an engagement ring. I’m sorry, but that’s not our fault. Finn’s brother (her husband) is a cheapskate. Again, not our fault. They got married in their pastor’s back yard, with only Finn’s parents and siblings (minus Finn and I) in attendance. Again, not our fault. If she wanted a real wedding, she should have held her ground.
Part of me worries that they’ll figure out a way to take the attention off of us, and onto them. Like, they’ll try to turn it into the wedding they didn’t get to have, on our dime. I barely know her, but I wouldn’t put it past him, to be honest. Or, that he’ll encourage her to do it, knowing she’s from a different culture and might not know any better.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been reading horror stories, maybe it’s because of my previous experience (XH’s family ruined wedding planning for me), but I’m scared that his family will take over, and completely upstage us at our own wedding.
I’m the youngest of six kids. I’m the product of my mom’s thirdn marriage, my father’s second. I’m the only child they had together. My mom had two sons by her first husband, and two daughters by her second. My father had a son by his first wife. My mom passed away several years ago. My father has since remarried.
Got that? Good. Cause it’s about to get even more complicated.
My youngest sister (YS) has a few undiagnosed mental issues (Definitely a Cluster B disorder). For as long as I can remember, she has to make everything about herself. She has a victim complex. If she feels like someone else is getting attention she believes she deserves, she’ll pick a fight with her chosen victim (usually me or my dad, her step-father). Due to this, she started a fight with my step-mother, causing my whole family to stop talking to each other for YEARS. My father didn’t speak to me for almost three years, because he believed YS’s lies. We’ve since repaired the relationship. I’m now back in contact with everyone. Except her.
A few years back, my father brought me two boxes of family photos, along with my mother’s urn. The only things she didn’t steal when someone let her in my dad’s house. I didn’t ask for any of it. But when my sister found out, she blew a gasket.
Keep in mind, we hadn’t spoken in at least 4 years at that point. I was working on my spine. About two years ago, she re-added me on Facebook, I approved because I’m an idiot, thinking maybe she’d changed. Nope. Within a week, she was harassing me about “when we could go through the pictures,” I gave her times and dates of when I’d be available, but none of them were ever good enough. I eventually just went through the pictures and dropped the ones she specifically mentioned to her husband.
Ohhhh, no. That still wasn’t good enough. She wanted me to drop what I was doing and go to her house to show them to her. (Side step for a minute: My sister is the very embodiment of the ‘Crazy Cat Lady’. She has several cats that refuse to use the litter box, so her whole house has essentially become a litter box. On top of that, she’s also a boarder-line hoarder. It was God-awful the last time I was there in 2009, and I’m told it’s only gotten worse in the past almost eight years. So, how about no? I have zero desire to step foot into that bio-hazard.) After a day or two, she went quite on the subject. So I had assumed it was over.
I did mention I’m an idiot, didn’t I?
Things were quiet, for almost a year and a half (I’ll tell the Thanksgiving story in another post. Maybe), until I announced my engagement to my fiance last week.
I really, really should have seen it coming. (Told you, I’m an idiot.)
She started in on it within hours of finding out. Texting Older Sister (OS). Trying to find information on my dad. OS swears she gray-rocked her. But someone gave YS my dad’s phone number. And she harassed him while he was at work. I was shown the texts, and while they look innocent enough to an outsider, they were full of a Narc’s attempt at hoovering. My dad didn’t fall for it (Smart man.), and when that didn’t work, she took it to Facebook. Where I ignored it. Even when she commented directly on my posts.
I FINALLY grey-rocked the hell outta her. Even when she commented on a post someone else posted on my page. The only reaction that got out of me was to delete it, because it brought my son into it (that’s another issue entirely. His father is alienating me. Changes his number at least every other month, and doesn’t tell my son, so it looks like I’m not trying to contact him. It’s heartbreaking. And her comment pretty much ruined my mother’s day.) Immediately after she posted it, she blocked me. I guess she thought I wouldn’t be able to see it? Or wouldn’t be able to delete the comment, since it wasn’t on my original post? Either way, I was able to do both.
I have also blocked all of her known accounts (Up to 5 now. WTF??), just in case she decides to unblock me to start more shit.